It all began on 21st January, 2010. The Maharashtra government was in the process of enacting a law that would provide ‘the best job’ for the local populace -- the job of a taxi driver. The law stated that you had to reside in Maharashtra for at least 15 years and you needed to speak, read and write Marathi fluently inorder to be a taxi driver.
A month later the law came into effect. Immigrant youth all over Maharashtra committed suicide as they were denied their dream job. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to be taxi driver? Even Leonardo DaPinchy -- a writer for BigFishMag.com -- who could barely speak more than few lines in Marathi (swear words and sexual phrases not included) always wanted to be a taxi driver. On having his dreams crushed he took a drastic step, slipped and died. Some say it was an accident, most say suicide but I call it murder (just like Joy Lobo from ‘Three Idiots’). His last words, “I wasted my time studying math and science. I should have focused more on Marathi? Pray that I shall be a taxi driver in my next life. I quit.”
Once the taxi jobs were taken by the locals, other dream jobs such as selling bhel puri, lifting heavy loads at construction sites and cleaning urinals also had laws made for them. Marathi was made compulsory for these tasks as well.
All this while, the hip and happening South Mumbai crowd were unaffected. Some were heard saying, “LOL! Who cares about the damn taxi drivers? This won’t affect me, LOL!” They were aghast when the less lucrative jobs such as bank managers, doctors and software developers also required expertise in Marathi. Further, even thinking in a foreign language was termed a crime. This was known as ‘thoughtcrime’.
The laws didn’t end there. They tumbled further into the entertainment industry. All channels required to air only Marathi shows. Zee Marathi, Zee Gujrati, Zee Telegu, Zee Bengali all had only Marathi shows playing 24/7. The only good thing about this law was that the disgrace in the name of entertainment –‘Maniben.com’ went off air. Movies also had to be in Marathi. Bollywood decided to shift base and moved to remote location in Bihar.
Even websites had to be in Marathi. All member of Bigfishmag.com committed suicide by watching ‘Pyaar Impossible’ in a loop which led to severe emotional trauma, erectile dysfunction, brain hemorrhage and finally death. Other websites closed down or were banned. Some sites decided to adapt (see image).
Marathi was used every where but the government decided to take it further. Microsoft Windows was banned. A new company was started – Marathisoft which released Widarbadows an operating system with everything in Marathi. When the government realized that Widarbadows was created using language C++ Marathisoft was declared as a terrorist organization. The lead government spokeperson said, “If humans in Maharasthra can speak Marathi so can the Computers.” All programming languages such as C++, Java were banned. This was followed by the banning of machine level languages and finally binary. With binary banned computers and other electronic devices could not be used. The government declared every electronic as the ‘tool of the devil (devil == immigrants)’.
With the loss of technology Maharashtra slowly and steadily started to collapse. All this while after Bollywood shifted to the remote location in Bihar, the remote location developed. Slowly companies started shifting there. The remote location turned into a city and Maharasthra collapsed within itself. It’s last words were, “Aiee Guh”
PS: Check birth place of George Orwell, the writer of 1984.
PPS: The windows logo belongs to Microsoft. It has only been used for humor purposes. Please don’t sue us we have no money.
A fan of satire? Hate silly political gimmicks? Check these badass articles.
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Posts: 1
Reply #1 on : Sun February 21, 2010, 02:16:32