Name: Agent Leo.
Date: Feb 28th, 2010.
Location: Confidential.
Objective: Expose the truth about children and find means to control them.
Children are the minions of Satan. They are pure evil. If this not true then what could explain the fact that children start with their Holi celebration one week before the bloody festival starts. These tiny sadistic pricks pick on innocent strollers like me and bomb me with their stupid water balloons for some sick pleasure that they get. Frankly, I don’t mind if children spend Holi pissing over each other as long as they kept me out of their celebrations. I’ve nothing to celebrate; leave me alone!
These children have been a nuisance for almost a week now and what bothers me is that I’ve constantly heard, ‘children are God’s representation on Earth’. Really? I didn’t know God is supposed to be a crying, whining, tantrum throwing asshole who keeps you awake at night and who bothers you in movie theatres. I didn’t know that God can’t spell properly, can’t count numbers or even control his bowel movement. This statement is clearly libelous and can lead to a defamation suit by God that could earn him millions.
The parents of these devilish imps are even worse. They have only one excuse every time I yell at their goddamn children. He’s just a child! I’m sure one of these days something like this will happen (see comic):
Why are all these kids happy anyways? Aren’t they supposed to study? Day in and day out every newspaper runs reports of kids going through stress because of studies. Where’s the motherfucking stress? These guys are running wild and ruining my goddamn happiness and the government is bending over backwards to decrease the subjects and eliminate exams. Why? So that while I work these guys will be dancing and playing. Fuck that! If I suffer everyone else does. They need more homework and more subjects. Damn pricks have it easy. All they learn is alphabets and numbers. We need to burden them with Quantum Physics and Differential Calculus. Let’s see who’s smiling and laughing then.
I do not trust the future of my nation to 5 year olds who don’t know that light can be both a wave and a particle. Screw ‘citizenship by birth’! In fact here’s a test for Indian citizenship that should be mandatory for every child.
Also, since papers are so willing to publish shitty stories of children burdened with stress how about someone publish this:
“100% of children who play with water balloons end up indulging in extreme violent acts when they grow up.”
The above conclusion was reached by research carried out by me at BigFish labs. For those interested, I went and kicked a kid who threw a balloon at me. The evil arse stamped my foot and ran away. Today, it’s stamping on my foot, tomorrow it may be yours and finally this kid will be running with grenades and guns. I’m warning you. Do not ignore my prophecy.
To solve this nuisance of children in general or of them playing Holi I’ve come up with an amazing idea. No it does not include beating your children. That’s inhuman! What I propose is even better. I’ll be selling hand made cages. They come in all sizes. So don’t worry! No matter how big or small your annoying offspring is he’ll fit in my cage. I’ve added an image for better understanding and more details.
Once your child is safely confined you can play videogames while he watches you from his cage. If he’s old and has a girl friend you can play with her (videogames I mean). This will be a great learning experience. He’ll learn important life lessons like ‘what you see you don’t always get’.
PS: When a child dances on stage no matter how much the dance sucks he gets applauses and ‘oh! So cute’ cheers. If I do the same they boo me! The world is biased towards children. Buy my cages to make things even.
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Posts: 46
Reply #47 on : Sun February 28, 2010, 05:10:56