It’s women’s day, a day when you love, admire and praise women. Doesn’t anyone else think women are stupid? I mean they just settled for one day of happiness per year. I think even slaves get more work-offs. If it was me I would ask for at least 3 months off. In fact I’ve just put in a request for 3 months of leave every 4 months to my boss. This will keep me at my creative best and will bring the company huge profits. But let’s not digress. This article isn’t about me, it’s about women. And since it’s the only day where women are treated in a special way I’m going to do my part towards ‘women empowerment’, ‘women equality’ and other phrases which start with ‘women’ and end with a noun such as ‘liberation’ by bringing you:
The Well Researched Truths About Women
Women have no talent: 
It’s a well know fact that when you do something for a long time you end up mastering it. One job that women have been doing for ages is cooking. Despite the years of practice the best chefs in the world are all men. After failing to master something despite having all the time in world, do you think we should trust women with real jobs that require real skill such as: Doctors, Engineers? How would you feel if you went to a doctor for a heart surgery and she gave you a manicure instead? Do you really want to this to happen to you or your loved one? Do you? Well, I not ready for this. Though being a beautiful corpse with perfect nails is what I look forward to, I would prefer a heart surgery when I need one.
This is just one example, imagine you went to the bank and the cashier told you ‘I’m sorry you can’t withdraw money since a woman created our software and it’s not functioning anymore? Nonetheless the software does contain a picture gallery of puppies and flowers. Would you like to view them while you bang your head against the wall out of sheer frustration?’ It’s a nightmare, isn’t it? Stop this while you can.
Women can’t drive: Most women will start howling when you say this but remember ‘howling is the natural woman response to an intellectual argument’. A few of them will be able to churn out some words and will challenge you to give them your car and they’ll drive it in front of you. DO NOT BE TRICKED! This is their plan to take your car and crash it. They’ll probably run it into a road divider and then say ‘OOPS! I’m sorry the divider came out of nowhere’. WTF? How can it come out of nowhere, you dumbass? It was right there in the middle of the road.
Remember this golden rule: If you need your car in one piece don’t let a woman drive it.
For those who do not know how to refuse a woman when she asks you for the keys of your car. Here’s what you should say – ‘I’m sorry honey I can’t let you ride my car since you’ll crash it. I need it for going from one place to another, you know. How about I give it to you when it’s really old and it doesn’t start?’ Don’t worry if she’s smart enough she’ll understand and will go back to the kitchen. If she's asking the keys for cleaning the car, you can go ahead and hand it over to her but keep a close watch, she might just try to take it for a crash drive.
Women are dumb: Many would argue at the authenticity of this claim but since I’m frank Leo for the moment, all I can say is trust me because everything I say is true and is also well researched at BigFish Labs. A few non believing skeptics will say, ‘if women are dumb how come girls get more marks then boys in school’? The answer here is not about intellectual ability, it’s about having a life. If I had an option between picking flowers, talking about nail polish, trying to match my clothes and studying, I would choose studying. This is the reason why girls score more. They’ve nothing else to do. On the other hand boys have it tough, if I’m supposed to sit and study who do you think would have slain the dragon and brought Mario and the Princess together? Who would have scored that precious single on the last ball of that epic gully cricket final?
But this is not the reason why I call women dumb. Remember the time in college when you got a real tough assignment. While you were busy pondering and planning on how to go about with the assignment, you know what the girls did? They picked up the top nerds of the class and requested the following: ‘Please can you complete this assignment for me as I’ve a real important party to attend. I’ll love you if you do this for me. Muaah’. What they actually meant is: “I’m really stupid. I’ve no clue on how to go about this. If you don’t do this for me, I’ll probably fail. The reason I’m acting as a ‘manipulative bitch’ is because it’s much cooler than confessing my goddamn stupidity. Also, there is no party since no one invites me anymore.”
PS: While most women will get really annoyed when you publicly profess these truths and will claim these are myths don’t get tricked by their innocence.
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Posts: 34
Reply #30 on : Mon March 08, 2010, 19:43:38