I’m surfing the net and I’m minding my own business. One site led to another and then suddenly the above ad popped up. An ad by AdulFriendFinder asking me to ‘find hot fuck buddies near Mumbai’ or FHFBNM for short. Being a man, periodic coitus is something of utmost importance and no man in his right mind would ignore a chance to ‘find hot fuck buddies near Mumbai’ (or whichever location you prefer). So I decided to spare the ad a few moments of my precious time.
The ad had some drop down boxes to the left where you can select what you are i.e. man/woman/couple and what you are seeking i.e. man/woman/couple. It didn’t have an option for animals which was a little disappointing a lot more discriminating. I don’t see why animals wouldn’t want to ‘find hot fuck buddies near Mumbai’. There’s a lonely dog, in my neighborhood, who humps my leg whenever he sees me. He could really take full advantage of such an opportunity. I’ve just written to AdulFriendFinder to include this option.
Another animal that could really benefit from this is – tigers. Tigers apparently are having a tough time finding fuck buddies, let alone hot fuck buddies. This will be a highly profitable business venture for AdultFriendFinder who can collaborate with ‘Save the Tigers’ and get a commission on each fuck buddy found. Fuck this is brilliant! Fuck buddies found, tigers saved, money made... everyone’s happy!
Now that I’ve solved the animal issue let’s solve my manly, carnal desires. Along with the ‘what you are’ and ‘what you are seeking’ boxes there is another box to select a country. To narrow things down you can even add a zip code. Apparently, AdultFriendFinder takes ‘finding hot fuck buddies near Mumbai’ very seriously.
Not only have they gone ahead and made a database of ‘hot fuck buddies’ they’ve also included a feature to search. For those who love to have a pictorial view, the search results are displayed as thumbnails of their to-be ‘hot fuck buddies’ with their location on a map. They’ve even titled their page ‘Geographic density map and search’.
When you see words like ‘geographic’, ‘density’ and ‘map’ used in reference to ‘hot fuck buddy’ finding you can safely say that AdultFriendFinder is really serious about their business. I bet they’ve labs and stuff and soon they’ll have their own ads. There’ll be a man dressed in a white lab coat, large number of pie charts and loads of percentages to showcase how AdultFriendFinder has been solving the predicament of ‘finding hot fuck buddies near Mumbai’ in the most efficient way using the latest technology.
Totally convinced about their dedication and seriousness I was ready to search for ways to invest in their business but AdultFriendFinder had another amazing surprise in store for me. Using my IP address they had automatically populated the map with thumbnails of hot fuck buddies who were in close proximity to me, thus saving me the effort to search on my own. 
The usage of technology appealed to my geeky side and the pictures appealed to my horny side. Everything was going fine and then…... I felt my world shatter. Right in the centre of the page there was an image of ‘curioushotkitty1’. (Note: The image of curioushotkitty1 is not photoshopped it was a part of the ad). The image is not safe for work or any other place, time or dimension but since I had my day ruined and my erection destroyed forever you’ll have to witness it as well. Following the destruction of my erection my sperms, all 3 million of them, committed suicide and my testicles went on an infinite hiatus. It’s because of her that the DaPinchy lineage will end with me. If I had to rate her on a scale from one to ten, ten being the hottest, the scale would break. In fact this is one book that I’m judging by the cover and I’m not going to be tricked by beauty being skin deep bullshit. With this female I’m not even going clothes deep.
Her moniker viz. ‘curioushotkitty1’ is a façade of epic proportions. I’m not denying she’s curious. For all I know when she’s not being the ‘hot fuck buddy from Mumbai’ she must be reading articles on wikipedia. In fact she might be a regular on wikipedia. But from no possible angle - within the entire 360 degree range - is she ‘hot’. The kitty part is a lie as well. Kitties are supposed to be small and cute not immovable objects having their own gravitational force.
The ‘meet me now' box below is quite intimidating. I’m not sure if this can be considered as terrorism but you can have my word for it, I feel terrorized. I was looking for a hot fuck buddy not a guide for 'shivering out of uncontrollable petrification'. If I did have sex with her at no point of time could I answer the question “you like that?” with a word/phrase/gesture/body language that would come anywhere near affirmative. At such a point I think she would destroy my existence. Maybe she could be the worst form of capital punishment the world as ever seen.
My fear turned into disappointment. Man! I feel cheated. Dear AdultFriendFinder, I’ve lost hope in you and I refuse to indulge in any form of ‘finding hot fuck buddies near Mumbai’ business with you. If this is what you are going to showcase on the menu, I’m afraid to know what you’ll serve for intercourse. If she were a culinary dish the most apt title she could have is ‘stopper’. Something you order if you don’t want to eat anything… ever.
I’m using the term ‘her/she’ loosely here. I haven’t figured out what this animate being is. I’ve narrowed it down to the following options: (let me know which one you think is the most appropriate)
- Extra terrestrial erection destroying life-form.
- Erection Terminator from the future sent back in time to destroy erections.
- The weapon for mass destruction the Americans where desperately looking for. It must have reached Mumbai after floating across the oceans.
- The beast from the book of Revelations.
- Jason Alexander aka (George Costanza) from Seinfeld.
I find the last option to be the most accurate. The resemblance is uncanny. In fact I think even the moniker hints at this. Curious George, George Costanza and curioushotkitty1. You don’t need a metallic wire of very low resistance to make this connection.
I always wondered what happened to George Costanza after Seinfeld and since I’m too lazy to google it I will safely assume this is what he ended up as – a hot fuck buddy in Mumbai. I guess the life of an actor is really rough. One moment you are a star another moment you have a wig and the moniker of 'curioushotkitty1'.
PS: I hope there is no curioushotkitty2. I’m going to pray every night for this.
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Posts: 40
Reply #41 on : Fri March 19, 2010, 11:18:23