Here’s an April Fool’s prank that is one millimeter above the awesome mark:
- Call a friend over for drinks.
- Get him totally drunk.
- When he’s passed out steal his kidney and sell it.
- The next morning when he gets up and finds one of his kidneys is missing, yell “April Fool”.
Now there could be two scenarios, that could take place following this, which I’ll tackle one at a time.
Scenario 1: Probability of occurring: 0.0001. He’ll understand it’s a prank and will laugh at it. You can then offer him more drinks and say, “LoL! You can’t drink anymore as you have only one kidney.” After which you can continue to have a good time while you drink and crack ‘one kidney’ jokes at him. This guy is your real friend.
Scenario 2: Probability of occurring: 0.9999. He’ll get really angry since you took his kidney without his permission. What a killjoy? Where’s the fun in stealing kidneys with permission? I’ve no idea why but every time I play this prank it’s mostly the second scenario. The best thing to do, in this case, is to accuse him of not having a sense of humour. Tell him this is a free country and you’re not willing to have your creative freedom suppressed. You can also tell him that change is a part of life and everything happens for good. You know... destiny, fate and other bullshit! If he’s still angry show him the door and tell him you don’t want to be friends with someone who has one kidney and no sense of humour. This guy is the friend who’s with you only during the good times. Dump this pretentious moocher!
One brilliant thing about this prank is - it can also double up as a part-time income. Now, that I think about it, this can actually be a full time job. Throughout the year you do nothing. On the 1st of April you get someone drunk, steal his kidney and sell it. How come I didn’t think of this earlier?
No more working at my current workplace. No more having to meet my incompetent co-worker who gets paid more than me. By the way, by incompetent I meant a walking accident. This guy is so bad he couldn’t complete a simple task of sitting on a chair without breaking 5 LCD screens, 8 chairs, causing a short circuit and inflicting fatal wounds on someone walking in Siberia… and I’m not even exaggerating. This guy who brought down the IQ of the world by 20 % works less since my manager doesn’t assign him many tasks as he usually botches anything he touches. The first thing he probably touched was himself.
Another advantage is I won’t have to meet my manager who thinks I’m doing a really good job but doesn’t want to increase my pay. “Hey Leo, I’ve seen your stats. You’re doing an amazing job. How about this? I double your workload and continue paying you the same salary. You’re already doing double the work you’re being paid for so why not go all out on this?” Yes, sir! How about I drop my pants to the floor and you butt fuck me for 9 hours. Why don’t we go all out? Maybe use me as the vessel for your progeny. Maybe you can inject me with some estrogen hormones and I could breast feed your children with my man boobies. I’m working my ass off making someone else rich so this is the least I can do as a repayment.
But this kidney stealing routine may get monotonous after a while. So to spice things up you can alternate between stealing the left kidney and the right kidney. You can probably play a game to select which kidney you’ll steal tonight. This can be a hit prime time reality show/ game show/ ‘shit people watch despite of knowing it’s shit’. We can call it - “Rahul Kidney Le Jaayenge.” He stole your heart, now he’ll steal your Kidney. I can imagine the posters - tonight on Imagine at 9 whose kidney will Rahul steal and which one will it be. You can have a guest celebrity every week and the proceeds of kidney selling could fund some NGO. Maybe they could fund me since I gave them the bloody idea. Using that money I could finally buy the platinum credit cards for which I get telemarketing calls every fucking day of my fucking miserable life. Everyday I get calls informing me I’m one of the few lucky people they’ve selected for a platinum credit card. Lucky? Me? Really? If I’m so freaking lucky why don’t you people stop calling me.
Maybe this game-show could lead to a massive bookie racket with huge bets being placed on the victor (the one lucky guy who’ll have his kidney stolen) and which kidney will it be. Probably the cops will bust the racket and then instead of putting the culprits behind bars, will split the loot 50-50. Maybe after the cops have made some money, they’ll not harass innocent people and ask for brides to do the job they are being paid for.
Argh! Screw it! I’m being way to optimistic.
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Posts: 25
Reply #25 on : Thu April 01, 2010, 04:28:22