I’m about to take a piss. This guy comes into the adjacent urinal and starts talking. In case you didn’t know here’s rule number 1: if you have your dick in your hand, it is not the right time for a conversation. That’s for guys. I’ve a different rule number 1 for girls which is, if I’m staring at your tits, don’t disturb me by starting a conversation.

Anyways, this guy, while holding his wiener, starts bitching about the fact that he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Why don’t I have a girlfriend? Am I a loser? The fuck would I know! I’m just a man taking a piss. This is a urinal not a free advice booth. Maybe, the answer is in your hands.

Now, that he’s started the conversation I’m compelled to continue it else he’ll keep bothering me. I decide to be polite so as to not hurt his feeling. I tell him, “It’s true. You’re a loser”.

I pitied him. I mean he’s a walking pile of shit and he doesn’t have a girl either. It would be great if he had a girl. He wouldn’t bother me - while pissing or otherwise. But the problem was getting him a girl. I told him, "If you are a loser who would go out with you? Adobe Photoshop is the answer".

He raises his eyebrows and he looks at me, I explain, “Adobe Photoshop is just like a girlfriend. Here’s why:

1. Photoshop takes every possible MB of free space on your Hard Disk. Your girlfriend takes every possible free space in your life. Basically, neither of them will let you have your space.


2. Both are very expensive.


3. When you are unable to afford Photoshop, you get a pirated copy. Having a pirated version of Photoshop is just like masturbation – the alternate of not having a girlfriend. Both of these are fun as long as you don’t get caught.


4. You spend hours watching what some guy is doing with his Photoshop/girlfriend, hoping that one day you’ll be able to do the same with your Photoshop/ girlfriend.


5. You need to invest a large amount of your time and need to be very patient to get your Photoshop/ girlfriend to do what you want with it/her.


6. No matter how many plugin & brushes / clothes & shoes that you get it/ her, it’s not enough.


7. Strangers want to use your Photoshop skills/ girlfriend for free.


8. You’ve no idea what you are getting into when you say, ‘I’ve read all the terms and conditions and I accept them’.”

I gave him these flawless points hoping that he would be convinced and would leave me alone. He calls me a jerk and walks away. Asshole! What were you expecting? Am I supposed to automatically put a thinking cap on when I unzip and hold my prick? Now, I roam around with a T-shirt, ‘Piss off if you see me pissing’.

PS:
Here's the only difference I found between a girlfriend and Photoshop

PPS: For your information, having a girlfriend doesn’t mean you are not a loser.

PPPS: This article was inspired by a tweet of FlyYouFools who is the guy behind  - you guessed it - Fly You Fools - Indian Web Comics About Life And Its Irritations.

Write a comment

tarak mehta
Posts: 22

Re: Can’t Get a Girlfriend? Get Adobe Photoshop Instead
Reply #26 on : Tue April 27, 2010, 05:13:32

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nice article

mayank
Posts: 22

Re: Can’t Get a Girlfriend? Get Adobe Photoshop Instead
Reply #25 on : Tue April 27, 2010, 05:22:44

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One more diff.: when PS behaves annoyingly, you can always use the old engineer's trick : Shut down-Restart n hope it works now. Not possible wit GFs who have 'problem-child' written all over them !

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Anonymous
Posts: 22

Re: Can’t Get a Girlfriend? Get Adobe Photoshop Instead
Reply #24 on : Tue April 27, 2010, 05:33:34

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Thanks for suggestion, bro u rocks!!
I am going to get a copy of photoshop.
Yippy!!!
Waiting for next article on how to work on it:).

Amrikan Babu
Posts: 22

Re: Can’t Get a Girlfriend? Get Adobe Photoshop Instead
Reply #23 on : Tue April 27, 2010, 08:41:46

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Photoshop CS5 is going to give serious weight to this hypothesis

Anonymous
Posts: 22

Re: Can’t Get a Girlfriend? Get Adobe Photoshop Instead
Reply #22 on : Tue April 27, 2010, 10:53:57

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do u have a gf leo ???? I'm available u know ;)