Since I was really bored, I decided to take a surprise English test of Bollywood movie stars on twitter. The results are appalling. Have a look.

Shahid Kapoor

shahid kapoor on twitter bad english

Oh yeah! You’re such a bad boy that you break all the rules, including grammatical ones. Fuck sentence constructions, commas, questions marks and periods. How can your sentences have periods? You, sir, are MANLY.

I can see that the word hectic is repeated thrice. While the layman may think it’s for poetic purpose, you can’t fool me. We’ve all filled up our answer papers with loads of bullshit to make it look longer. You’re doing the same here. You’ve lost marks all 100 marks.

Since I was in a good mood, I decided to give you one mark for neatness.

Shahrukh Khan

shahrukh khan on twitter with bad english

Jesus Christ! Sentences start with capitalization. Since you really need help on this I’ll tell you how it’s done.

Step 1: Keep the shift key pressed.

Step 2: Press the alphabet key.

This may seem as rocket science at first but slowly you’ll get the hang of it. It may take you around 10 years minimum but the result will be worth it. I suggest you take a print out of this and keep it somewhere you can see, so that you’ll remember it forever.

Instead of a superhero with a cold your fans may think you are an actor without the ‘shift key’. Looks like someone broke into King Khan’s house and stole both his ‘shift keys’.

Or maybe you’re having trouble finding the shift key. Since I’m magnanimous Leo, you can use the below image as a constant reference guide.

keyboard with shift key

IMPORTANT: There is another shift key on your keyboard. Finding it will be your homework.

If you don't do this you won't be allowed to sit in my classroom.

Also, your tweet has more periods than a woman in her 40s. One period is enough. The same applies for question marks. You get three marks for your reference to comics heroes.

Preity Zinta

priety zinta on twitter bad english

I wasn’t expecting much from Preity Zinta but she has done quite a Preity good job. The only problem is, why is there a space between the last letter and the exclamation mark? You’ve been making this mistake repeatedly so you’ve lost quite a few marks. Remember every time you make that mistake God kills a puppy.

You’ve also lost some marks because you're dumb enough to have you head stuck in the cupboard for two days. And why you want to keep it that way for some more time? Is this some kind of a game?

Also, if your head is in the cupboard who’s in the kitchen? There are dishes to be cleaned and food to be cooked. God! Let a woman out of your sight for a minute and they start wandering out of the kitchen. Nonetheless, you get 8 marks. You’re the topper! Congratulations! But you’ve still failed!

Priyanka Chopra

priyanka chopra on twitter with bad english

This tweet has more exclamations that the population of Nigeria. Just cause it’s free doesn’t mean you keep using it. God! I feel like disconnecting your internet connection, stealing your keyboard and running away after ringing your door bell.

You’ve lost marks for not conveying your analogy properly in your previous tweet. You’ve lost more marks for accusing your fan base of not having enough depth while they continue to waste their time and money watching your movies. You’ve lost more points since you are Priyanka Chopra. This means you get -10.

Salman Khan

salman khan on twitter with bad english

The Braille script was invented to help the blind read. You’ve created a language that even people with a 6/6 vision wouldn’t be able to decipher. This tweet will probably be a mystery on the internet. This will be the Heliographic text of modern times. I can’t understand jack shit of this. So you won’t get any marks. Please rewrite this.

By the way, thank you for showing us how it’s possible to be illegible on the internet.

Important: Please don’t come crying to me. These marks are final and are not subject to any chances.

PS: Twitter is the best tool for movie stars. Why? Any one can string 140 characters together to create something that looks like a sentence. Here’s an important observation:

Twitter is to celebrities what thumbprint is to illiterates.

PPS: On a side note, when most attention seekers take up worthy social causes such as ‘fight against cancer’, Bollywood movie stars can’t be left behind. They’ve taken up the ‘fight against commas’ cause. Here’s the facebook page for it.