Death penalty to all offenders.
Yeah, that’s right. It’s about time we kill every annoying, loud mouthed, obnoxious guy who is a nuisance to me… and maybe society. This may offend some weak hearted folks but the aftermath will be worth the effort. So, can we please stop being a nation of pussies - Vaginaistan if you may - and start giving out death penalties for every offense possible? I’m not talking about just real crimes like murder, child molestation, rioting, stealing my nokia 1100, etc. there are a lot other offenses that deserve grave punishments.
Take honking for instance. You’re stuck in a traffic jam and every goddamn asshole with these upper limbs known as hands is squeezing his car horn as if they are the are the perky tits of a young damsel. Get your hand off the goddamn horn! What’s it with men and having their hands in the wrong places?
And why is everyone honking? What is it going to achieve? No one has purposely caused the traffic jam and if he has he’s surely not going to budge due to cacophony. You’re stuck, I’m stuck. So, can you shut the fuck up? I don’t want people who molest my ear drums to get away with it. Death penalty, I say!
And while we are at it can we please spread the rumour – “Every honk decreases your penis size by one millimeter”. If we market it well people will believe it. Men tend to do believe everything that has the words ‘size’ and ‘penis’ in the same sentence. The best way to spread this rumour is to make a sticker like the one below and have it on the back of your car. Not only will this decrease honking it will make you look cool. No one likes stickers with ‘I love my mom’. Whenever I see a ‘I love my mom sticker’, I feel like putting up a ‘I love your mom’ sticker.
So, stop it with the “I love family member/girl friend” stickers. There is a place for such messages and that’s national monuments. People who say you can’t write on national monuments forget the fact that it’s a NATIONAL monument. You’re a part of the nation and the national monument belongs to you. I’ve personally written classic one-liners such as, “What did the freshly laid egg say to boiled egg? I’m sorry I can’t get hard because I just got laid today.” And “She’s not easy, she’s horizontally accessible.” And “Why did the chicken cross the road? To see the *insert name of the national monument*” on many national monuments. Why would anyone do that, you ask? National monuments are boring. Lots of people get dragged to them and they’re forced to enjoy and get a fake sense of national pride so that they can forget the fact that they are living in a third world country with shoddy infrastructures and over crowded public transports with perverts who grope anything that has curves on it. If you are going to get dragged to a national monument you might as well get a good laugh.
PS: Some observant blokes may say, “What about women who honk? How do you stop them from honking?” If you are asking this question, you’re quite the dumbass. Honking is mandatory for women drivers. This will alert you when a woman driver is in the vicinity, so that you can quickly move to a safer location such as on top of a tree or a different country - woman drivers just like bears can’t climb trees or move to a different country - till the women driver moves away from you or crashes into something. A great idea would be having sirens permanently attached to cars belonging to women.
PPS: I think that the siren must have been designed by a man with a nagging wife. What else could give the idea of a loud, annoying, repetitive, high-pitched, monotonous sound? Also, I know nagging wife is a redundancy as wives by definition are nagging.
PPPS: Women with a driving license are like James Bond. Both have the license to kill.
PPPPS:
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Posts: 38
Reply #42 on : Mon May 17, 2010, 02:13:47