If I were given a choice between Delhi and Bombay, I would ask for more options. Because choosing between Delhi and Bombay is equivalent to choosing between Venus and Antarctica - habitation wise, both suck. Nonetheless, someone needs to show Delhiites their location. (Hint: I don’t mean 28°36'36?N 77°13'48?E)
Why do I hate Delhi more than Bombay? Notice how Bombay is home to important financial institutions such as the Reserve Bank of India, the Bombay Stock Exchange, the National Stock Exchange of India and the corporate headquarters of numerous Indian companies and multinational corporations while Delhi is home for Delhiites.
“Oh, Jesus! Now you have a problem with Delhiites?”
Yes, I do. Have you ever noticed that they have this immense pride based on the sole fact that they come from Delhi? It’s out of sheer spite that I’ve for these guys who validate themselves based on the location, sun-sign, color, etc. that they were born with, that forces me to write this piece. Being a fair, Sagittarius from Delhi makes as much difference in real life as shoe size in sexual intercourse. And on what basis is this pride? People have been living in Delhi since the 6th century B.C. If they could survive when the world was considered flat and there was no electricity then it should be pretty damn easy to live in Delhi now. Sorry to burst your bubble, living in Delhi isn’t an accomplishment.
Contrary to that, Bombay was seven islands that were combined together into one single mass of awesomeness. It is man made and symbolizes man’s conquest over nature. Nature said, “I’m sorry, you can’t live here.” and filled the place up with water. We said, “Fuck you!” and filled the place up with land. In fact every step you take in Bombay is a victory march. It’s nature 0 – man 1. Unlike some pussy ass colony of sissy boys – read Delhiites - that decided to settle next to river because it provided alluvial soil. Bah! Where’s the challenge? What are you going to do next, Delhi? Outrun a two year old. These servile losers are nature’s bitches; constantly dependent on it. If I had super powers I would end up diverting Yamuna to some other location just to fuck with these guys. They’ll start running around like headless chicken and then we’ll see who is laughing. Only losers rely on nature. Grow a pair, will you? Look at Bombay. It still shows it’s contempt towards nature by turning every possible water body into a shade of black that matches Godzilla’s pubic hair and destroying every possible mangrove in sight to make place for more immigrants that we don’t need. That’s Bombay for you! No water or oxygen! FUCK IT, we’ll still make it through! The never say die spirit!
Then again what can you expect from a city named Delhi. Here’s some interesting info.
Bombay – Comes from the Portuguese name meaning "good bay”.
Delhi – Comes from the Hindi/Prakrit word dhili ("loose").
Ouch, does that hurt? Knowing that your beloved city’s name comes from a word that means loose. Pelvic thrusts to you, river fanboys! You want to compete with Bombay get a better fucking name else don’t expect anyone to take you seriously. The name Delhi has fail written all over it. Consider this, “I’m proud to be a Delhi girl” thus effectively means “I’m proud to be a loose girl” Congratulations, you’re proud to be a slut.
Another thing notice how the name of Bombay was changed to Mumbai, Calcutta to Kolkata, Madras to Chennai and Delhi was changed to…. No it wasn’t changed. While people get threatened and beaten for using the name Bombay instead of Mumbai, no one really cares that Delhi is still known by the colonial name. You know why? Here’s what most Delhiites, are completely unaware of –
no one gives a fuck about Delhi.
Bombay has had two major terrorist attacks. Delhi always gets a warning of “imminent” threat. Why? It’s because these terrorists are still trying to find where Delhi is. Despite being the land locked piece of shit that it, terrorists couldn’t reach there even after inquiring for directions. And look at Bombay, a bunch of guys who couldn’t solve simultaneous equations reached here on a boat.
Despite the hatred towards Delhiites, I do have a few friends in Delhi who are online almost 24/7 on simultaneously twitter, facebook, reddit, digg, orkut, yahoo chat and google chat. Why? Maybe it’s because the place is boring. A flat screen of 19 inches diagonal in length offers more entertainment than 1,484 km2 of land which brings me to the next point - Delhi tourism.
Delhi tourism includes visiting a cyber café and looking at pictures of other cities. The place sucks that bad. Then again the whole point of tourism in ludicrous. Why do I want to see a bunch of old stuctures? How can you be proud of it either? It was not build during your time, let alone by you. Out of these structures, there is one that has always been a bother and it is India Gate.
Some unknown facts on India Gate.
The sole purpose of India gate is it provides a great breather from other things that you find in the middle of Delhi’s roads such as potholes and cows. At least the Gateway of India is to some extent the gateway to India, one second you are in the Arabian Sea, next second you are in the India. On the other hand, when you consider India Gate, one second you’re driving on the road minding your own business, the next second you are desperately trying to avoid a collision with a 42 metre tall piece of concrete shit that’s placed in the middle of the road for God knows why.
An interesting bit on India Gate
“The 42-metre tall India Gate is situated such that many important roads spread out from it. Traffic passing around India Gate used to be continuous until the roads were closed to the public due to terrorist threats.”
Delhi cares more about some old ass concrete structure rather than its people. If the roads were so damn important why shut it down? If it was Bombay we would honk so badly, India Gate would move out of the way with it’s tail between it’s legs, on its own after feeling ashamed that its pathetic ass was holding up traffic.
No one is planning to destroy India Gate but if they did those important roads would finally be used. The ones who sent out the threat probably got lost on their way and would have ended up settling down somewhere in Russia. Amazing, isn’t it? A building so famous that it’s been 79 years since it was built and not one terrorist has reached it yet.
Here’s another architectural ctrl c + ctrl v in Delhi. Plagiarists!
What can I say? Sorry Delhi, you loose.
PS: For those still confused, there is no spelling mistake in 'Sorry Delhi, you loose'. It's a pun. Do you guys need to be explained every bloody thing that I write?
PPS: I still hate Delhi... and Bombay
Update: It has been pointed out a few times that people have been taking offense to the 'Gateway of India' v/s 'India Gate' part so I think I'll get this debate done with. Firstly, two of the co-founders of this site belong to a family with many generations having served in the defense forces and neither of them had an issue with this article. Secondly, I'm not trying to belittle the work of any defence personal. I'm free to come up with these bullshit articles while I sit comfortably at home because some people I don't know and will probably not know have died, are dying or will die and yes I respect that. The only reason I'm defending myself here is because the article was never meant to be anything remotely regarding the defense forces. It's about Delhi and how much Delhiites suck.
Facebook
Twitter
Reddit
Stumble
Digg
Posts: 152
Reply #169 on : Sun May 30, 2010, 23:35:34