Jobs. Hate them or detest them, you just can’t ignore them! Supercybernetic beings may evolve from men, but the one thing that’ll still suck is their job. But after you have put down your papers, and are serving out your notice is the time when even a job in Commodities trading can be quite fun. Here’s presenting a few cool things you can do to fuel your ego, and get the guys who troubled you into deeper trouble:

Statutory warning: Try not to get caught, and if you do and are let go, don’t go back for a Letter of Recommendation.

10. Turn up at office in complete formal attire, but with an entire sleeve missing. Allow armpit hair to sprout for effect. Tell everyone you’ve been ‘Pick sleeved’, and that it’s the latest development on the crime scene. Enjoy the attention for the rest of the day. If you don’t get sent home early, rip the other sleeve off the next day and enter abusing the government/ public transport authorities. Put up pictures of your sleeves at your desk.

9. Call a Hindi news reporter and tell him you have access to information which establishes beyond doubt that the CEO of your company is having an affair with President Fratibha Fatil. Design an e-mail ID with your Boss’ name. Morph pictures of the President and your CEO onto nude pictures from dirtyoctogenarians.com . Mail these pics to your CEO, the opposition, the TV reporter and your boss’ official mail id. CC it to the entire office. Retreat to your cubicle and watch hell break loose.

8. Spread rumors that you saw the cutest chick in office making out with your boss (preferably married) on the weekend at an uptown pub. This may sound extremely harmless, but it is the easiest way to get everyone to hate him.

7. If you have office stationery such as CDs/DVDs and such which get passed around a lot among people, draw penis shapes, plant phlegm stains and/or shit stains on them. Or maybe you could just scribble a pair of well shaped Boobs with the permanent marker. Dress up your art with your boss’ signature.

6. If your office has a shared drive people save their work files on, this next one should work like a dream. Start copying stuff from one fellow’s folder into the next person’s folder at random. And make sure you get creative with it. Fill the accounts guy’s folder with gunk videos from advertising, and fill the creative guy’s folder with excel sheets. Fill the married woman’s folder with porn. Give the Catholic multiple copies of the Koran calling em’ ‘The Real Holy Book’ and vice versa. Watch em’ burn!

5. Send Cannibal Corpse/Enrique Iglesias/VIVA DVD’s to all your most important clients as a token of appreciation for their loyalty. Attach a note saying these are customized gifts chosen to suit each client’s personality, using such lines as’Because you’re worth it’ and/or ‘A special gift for a special one’. The usage of words like ‘token’,‘customized’ and ‘special’ is bound to get your entire Advertising/PR department fired.

4. Call up your CEO pretending to be an oil rich shaikh from Dubai and tell him you would like to invest X million $s in the company, but you would like to view a detailed presentation of the company’s record over the last five years, complete with comparisons with the top 10 companies in the Oil and Gas, FMCG and Animal Care sectors. Also, you would like to view these statistics as part of a Role Playing First person shooter game with each positive statistic represented by a Klingon, and each Negative statistic by a Vogon. Tell him you will be there next week at the Taj Hotel and Towers to view the statistics, failing which you will marry his daughter and commit endless atrocities on her. Proceed to explain the nature of these atrocities. Hang up and don’t go near that PCO again.

3. Release poisonous snakes into the office premises, and stand guard at the door. Get a good view.

2. Get a fake submachine gun and run around shooting plastic pellets at all your most hated colleagues. Once, you’ve made them believe you have finally flipped your last screw and have em’ laughing at your misery, release poisonous snakes into the office premises, and stand guard at the door. Get a good view.

1. But by far the coolest thing a person can do at his workplace has already been done. You have already quit that horrible excuse for new age slavery our whole country is clamoring over. With that red corporate dick out of your ass, do something which’ll make a difference, will you?