When a national strike is called, you’re given two options – either go work or stay at home. You know what? You’re wrong. I’m not in support of either of them. I don’t like working and I don’t like staying at home because of some party that couldn’t even manage to get a majority of votes. So, whenever a strike is called what I do is, I go to my workplace but I don’t do anything. I sit around and chat with my buddies. I take extra breaks. I stare at the screen for hours, looking at absolutely nothing. I pass my work on to juniors and then flirt with the hot females in my vicinity while some kid struggles to complete his job and mine at a low pay. You know, the kind of thing managers do everyday.
I wish I could be a manager but I’m not incompetent and impotent. What kinda of job is allocating people work and checking on them to see if it’s completed or not? Isn’t allocating work to others similar to passing on work, something that lazy people do. I don’t feel like doing this. How about you, you and you do it? Don’t worry, I’ll come and check up on you every now and then (when I’m not flirting that is) like a nosey guy on crack to make your life even more miserable. Nobody is allowed to check on me... Nobody! I don’t want senseless rhetorical questions being asked. Are you doing your work? No you, dipshit. I’m not. Didn’t you know I’ve hired a dolphin to do my work? Either that or the cases in queue have decreased on their own. I don’t believe these guys paid shit loads of money and wasted two years learning managing. Then again if you look at the intellect of managers you’ll not question their decision. Since we’re on this topic, two things to ponder on:
- Isn’t MBA the short form for I’M Being an Asshole?
- You can’t spell managing without naging(sic).
“Funny stuff Leo, but how are you going to do nothing like me if you can’t make it to your workplace? I’m not showing up at work since I’m mostly an obstruction between you and the water-cooler.” – My manager.
Ah! Finally words of wisdom from my manager. The last time he said something remotely intelligent was when he said, “Leo, you’re right. Take my job. I think I need to sit on a tree and hope evolution reaches me.” Okay, I made the last thing up, he didn’t say, “Take my job”.
Back to the strike, you might be afraid of having your skull cracked open on your way to work during a non-violent nation-wide strike. I’ve a solution to that as well. I’m going to make clones of Rahul Gandhi. Don’t remember Rahul Gandhi? He’s the guy that traveled once in a Mumbai local train. An accomplishment because only 6.9 million people travel in it on a daily basis and not every one of them is the son of the woman who’s the leader of the ruling party of this nation. Now, after I’ve cloned enough Rahul Gandhis, I’ll shuffle them up with the real one so that no one knows who the real one is and I’ll give one Rahul Gandhi to every working guy. Whenever there is a strike, instead of you going to work, you sent your own personal Rahul Gandhi. Since no one knows who the real one is, you’ve to protect all of them else we won’t have a future Prime Minister. This way you can stay at home, make yourself a nice sandwich and surf the internet while a Rahul Gandhi does your work for you. He’ll be fighting with other Rahul Gandhi’s to get inside a train. He’ll be sitting at your cubicle making conversation with other Rahul Gandhis, trying to complete 25 cases per hour a feat only achievable by beings with 4 hands. If you are worried about the financial strain on owning a personal Rahul Gandhi, then don’t! You don’t have to feed your personal Rahul Gandhi. He comes with an inbuilt GPS system that finds the closet Dalit home where he can have a filling meal.
A normal working day.
A strike day when you send your Rahul Gandhi to work.
“This is only after you clone me. What are you going to do till them?” – Rahul Gandhi.
Hmm, why are people trying to ruin my plans? Anyways, anyone else finds it stupid to have a national strike to protest the hike of fuel prices? The one thing I’ve learnt from our politicians is, if you have a problem with someone you beat the shit out of them. Have a problem with Bhaiyyas? Beat them. Christians? Beat them. Sikhs? Beat them. Politicians? Write sarcastic articles on them and hope you don’t get caught. Pakistan? Beg USA for help and try to solve things out peacefully. So since this is a local issue and since fuel is not a politician, empirically this means that we should be beating the shit out of fuel to get fuel to lower their rates. I want to see Indians of different religions, caste, creed and color taking the streets in unison punching and kicking fuel bags till they submit to our demand. Expect more money? Eat my knee, petrol! A back-breaker to break the will of diesel! Hahaha. Finally, everything will be cheap just like the life of a common Indian man.
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Posts: 16
Reply #16 on : Mon July 05, 2010, 03:50:28