With panic reaching a new zenith, everyone is trying their best to protect themselves from the really dreaded disease ‘Swine flu’. Common folks who are brave enough to venture outside have decided to use handkerchiefs, N95 masks, surgical masks, jockstraps, underwear, etc to cover their noses. Seeing everyone is a state of misery I’ve decided to do what every human does; take advantage of the situation. I’ve compiled a list that will protect you from Swine. It will also make me rich and happy but ignore this. Without further ado, I present you with.

Leo’s Ultimate Guide For Swine Flu Prevention

Step 1>>

BUY MY MASKS!

Throw those shoddy N95 masks away. Give into panic and purchase the perfect swine flu protection gear. Don’t believe me? Read on…

Reasons why my masks will protect you better?

While normal masks are blank, mine actually come with a message. This will clearly warn all literate h1n1 virus from entering your nostril, mouth or any other orifice (depends on where you put the mask). The text is available in multiple languages. Incase you are in Maharashtra, I suggest you carry one or more masks which have the text in Marathi. This will protect you in more ways then one. These masks are also available in Braille format for the blind and for those who like to feel things up.

My masks cater to a wide range of audience. I’ve given a few samples below.

Engineering students:

Skanks:

Strippers:

Programmers:

Bunkers:

Emos:

Internet surfers:

Linux user:

Windows users:

Racists:

SMS language users:

Roadies:

A variation of this mask is as follows:

The h1n1 virus will read, laugh and leave you alone. Remember laughter is the best medicine.

Stock’s limited! Offer valid only till Swine Flu panic exists!

Step 2>>

If you are a fan of Darwin’s theory of evolution, you must be aware the humans are capable of adapting. Let me be the first to inform you of this good news, ‘The human body can combat swine flu’. Yes, it’s true. The answer is simple: farting! Farts kill the h1n1 virus or at least force it into committing suicide. Whenever you are in a crowded location and you are worried of succumbing to swine flu, remember this simple solution fart away. And I’m not talking about those silent, barely audible, squealing farts. You need the real loud farts to kill this virus. If it doesn’t kill the virus it will surely rupture it's ear drums. For those incapable of letting out a manly fart do not worry. You can just buy my fart perfume along with my high-quality, best of farts audio collection. Remember, if it smells bad… It’s killing the virus!

Side-effects: Your friends and family may abandon you.

I would like to pause for a few minutes to ask an important question: Do you hate abrupt endings? Well too bad...

Write a comment

Anonymous
Posts: 9

Re:
Reply #9 on : Mon August 24, 2009, 10:16:32

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that was awesome....

Ankur
Posts: 9

Re:
Reply #8 on : Sun September 06, 2009, 23:29:37

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I had already confessed.. m ur fan.. :)

naam me...
Posts: 9

Re:
Reply #7 on : Tue September 08, 2009, 10:53:09

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the masks were awesome

contraceptive methods
Posts: 9

contraceptive methods
Reply #6 on : Sun August 29, 2010, 00:34:25

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Thank you for Posting & I got to read nice information on your site.

contraceptive methods
Posts: 9

contraceptive methods
Reply #5 on : Sun August 29, 2010, 02:25:10

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One again, your articles is very good.thank you!very much.