From empirical evidence, I’ve concluded that women are the next worst thing to decision making since comatose patients. You may call it misogyny but I call it honesty. Now, to make things easier for the ladies and to increase the number of my female fans, I’ve created a survival guide that should help women with some of the most challenging life situations. Dear ladies, behave naturally (i.e. stop thinking) and heed my advice.

Problem number 1: Suicide:

Failed an examination? Got dumped? Farted in public? Tits too small? Daddy won’t let you wear mini skirts? Planning on killing yourself over this? DON’T! Suicide doesn’t solve anything! Don’t believe me? Ponder over the two scenarios below

Scenario 1: Your rent is due.

Scenario 2: Got dumped.

You decide to kill yourself. What happens? Does he come begging that you take him back? Even if he comes back, doesn’t that make him a necrophile? Why would you want to go out with a sick bastard like him? And dead women don’t talk or accept dating proposals! 

Since suicide doesn’t solve anything, you must be wondering what does. Hint: People keep saying life is precious; don’t end it. So how about giving life? Yes, the answer is – get pregnant! When you are pregnant you won’t even think about depression. It’s like having a gift that you can’t open for 9 months! See, you’ve stopped thinking about depression already. Also, during pregnancy you can get away with almost everything. You can walk slowly, behave weirdly, be an annoying pain in the ass to anyone and everyone and demand for seats in crowded public transports… your natural behavior that is. Also, I’ve seen the way you women look at babies. I know you want to hold them and play with them. But then people don’t let you touch their babies because it’s weird and you may drop them and stuff. So, why not get your own baby? Once you have your own baby, you can do anything you want with it.

While we are at it, babies are to women as titties are to men. Here’s the previous few lines with some text replacement provided as damning evidence.

Also, I’ve seen the way you men look at titties. I know you want to hold them and play with them. But then women don’t let you touch their titties because it’s weird and you may drop them and stuff. So, why not get your own titties? Once you have your own titty, you can do anything you want with it.

Now that you are convinced, how about this? We don’t judge you for you love of babies so stop judging us for our love for your titties. Okay? Okay! *

Problem number 2: Break up:

Your badass biker boyfriend - the kind of guy who wears a leather jacket when it’s 38 degree Celsius and then sprays himself all over with some shitty deodorant to offset the stench of his sweat - dumped your sorry ass? Wondering what to do? Time to fucking celebrate! You may be unaware of it but pulling off a 70 degree front wheelie while at 100 km/hr doesn’t put food on the table or anywhere near it. Want to be in a serious relationship with such a guy? Get ready to eat off a dumpster. With a dumbass like that as your partner in reproduction can you imagine how stupid your offspring would have been? Imagine the amount you’ll be saving on coaching classes by not having a stupid kid with him. Education is expensive. Save money, stop fucking someone who would lose in a game of chess against a rotting tree trunk.

For women who wonder if it’s hard for a guy to dump a girl after sex, remember this:

It’s not hard to leave a girl after sex. If it was hard, we’d still be fucking.

Problem number 3: PMS/ period:

Stay at home! Sometimes you may think that it’s okay to make life miserable for every living being but it’s frowned up. And it takes more muscles to frown than for you to stay at home. Remember this:

Unless someone has stabbed you with a knife it’s not his fault that you are bleeding.

That’s all for now. Part II will be posted tomorrow. If you ever wondered what type of slut you are, you can find out tomorrow with “Leo’s Slutometer”.

*Reference to my favorite stand-up comic.

Write a comment

AdditiveWhiteGaussianNoise(a.k.a AWGN)
Posts: 24

Re: Women’s survival guide: Part I
Reply #29 on : Fri July 23, 2010, 04:50:15

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Where do you work and exactly how much of it do you do? Seems to me you spend more time writing these hilarious articles than actually doing work.Can't wait for part II.Who is this stand up comic you speak of?

Also I'm posting the link of this article to all the girls i know on Facebook.Yes,you can thank me!!

Slut-o-meter eh? Hear that v4vanky(a.k.a cumslut)?

Amrikan Babu
Posts: 24

Re: Women’s survival guide: Part I
Reply #28 on : Fri July 23, 2010, 05:59:48

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super stuff

v4vanky
Posts: 24

Re: Women’s survival guide: Part I
Reply #27 on : Fri July 23, 2010, 09:48:23

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@leo

gald to c ya u havnt jumped d shark, gr8 article
wil prevent bfm's futher slips down my most visited sites on chrome

p.s pump up d trolls man

@awgn
seriously....?
dnt take stuff so personally man, yr jst anoder guy on d net fr me, i oughta b jst anoder retard fr u, u dnt havta go on a verbatrim everytime u post u knw, its kinda flatterin
sry if i'v been too hard on ya man

p.s. d article in yr "honor" is d 1 where u stil hav conveniently left lotsa unreplied msgs of mine,

Anonymous
Posts: 24

Re: Women’s survival guide: Part I
Reply #26 on : Fri July 23, 2010, 11:18:35

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LOSER!

Leo
Posts: 24

Replies
Reply #25 on : Fri July 23, 2010, 12:03:14

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@AdditiveWhiteGaussianNoise(a.k.a AWGN)

I was working full-time. I've currently taken a break from work which is why there has been more activity on the site lately.

The stand up comedian is Bill Hicks. By the way, the girls should be thankful. They finally have the advice that will last them a lifetime.

@v4vanky

Thanks! I've always been a flamer - both offline and online. I'll always been one.

@Anonymous

Thanks, I guess!