This article is to help women deal with problems they generally face. Click this for part I.
Problem number 3: Marriage:
Don’t go for size. You don’t need someone with a huge prick. We’ve evidence. Countless research has shown that women can be satisfied with a 3 inch prick. Contrary to that, you need at least a 6 figure salary to buy the things you want. It’s an easy choice, do you want to choke on it or have 20 shoes. No one knows what happens in the bedroom but everyone can see your feet. If you are wondering ‘does marrying someone for money make me a whore?’ You are absolutely correct.
Problem number 4: Sex:
Your legs are not a police helpline, open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Shut it once a while. I also suggest that you pause for the moment and find out your slut quotient using
“Leo’s Slut-o-meter”
Slut quotient: 0
This girl won’t touch a guy with a ten foot pole or even if the pole is of a considerably small size. This one is going back to the maker in mint condition.
Note: Obviously, not a slut.
Scientific name: Virgin.
Slut quotient: 0.5
This girl may do one guy (husband) in the missionary position solely for the purpose of procreation. There are high chances that she'll die a virgin. This one’s husband may go back to the maker in mint condition.
Note: Technically, not a slut.
Scientific name: Almost virgin.
Slut quotient: 1
This one will bang only one guy - whom she thinks she loves and hopes he loves her back - at a time.
Note: Technically, not a slut.
Scientific name: Boyfriend banger or normal female.
Slut quotient: 2
Here is where the sluts begin. These ones are the bad girls and you know what they say about bad girls. Bad girls go to places that good girls only dream of. By places I mean abortion clinics and by dream I mean nightmare. This slut type dates multiple guys, indulges in cheating, two-timing, extra marital affairs and other slutty activities.
Scientific name: Tyrannosaurus legs (Her legs are spread so wide they resemble that of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.)
Slut quotient: 3
She has two cell phones, one that is constantly on vibration mode and the second one to call the first one. Her logic: If it's long and hard, it goes in. My logic: Her logic is not the only thing that has a gaping hole. She also has a mini collection of STDs.
Scientific name: India Gate. (This one is a tourist distraction and you could park your car, light a camp fire, sit besides it and gaze at the sky wondering what life is all about while you are inside her).
Slut quotient: 4
Her legs are so far apart that one is on earth and the other on the moon. Given the opportunity, this one would get humped by a spaceship. Unless you can use your dick as a weapon to successfully slaughter an army of 300 Spartans and then dig a massive grave with it to bury them all at once, don’t hope to keep this one satisfied. She has a monthly pass at the closest abortion clinic. She also has more STDs than a medical dictionary. There have been alleged rumors that constant banging has made her privates radioactive. Remember to check with a Geiger counter before you enter or you’ll probably get cancer or some other freaky shit.
Scientific name: Intergalactic whore.
Once you know which kinda slut you are you can inform the world about it. Actually don’t bother we already know.
Problem number 4: Monikers:
Now that computers have become easy to use for lesser intelligent beings even you can use them. Once you are on a computer and you hit the internet, you’ll need a cool name because the name that your parents picked after pondering for hours obviously sucks. While men stick to ‘Rocker’, ‘Pirate’, ‘Ninja’ or ‘Gladiator’ since rockers, pirates, ninjas and gladiators access the net on regular intervals to tweet about their exploits as their lives are too dull from all the awesome things they normally do.
Since you are a woman I suggest you stick with any of the following three moniker:
- Fairy – Since girls have magical powers.
- Princess – Since a tiara and imagination are the only requirements to becoming a princess. Anyways, princesses don’t do anything. They sit on their pompous arse all day long waiting for some handsome guy who is the son of a king to come, marry her and give her life some meaning. Sometimes they are ugly so they just end up kissing frogs in hope that at least one of them will turn into a prince.
- Bitch – Since a direct comparison to a quadruped canine that has anywhere between 6 to 10 nipples and mates publicly, surrounded by males of the same species who are either howling or barking is not self depreciation. If you want to be called a bitch, fine. But don’t call me a misogynist if I hold a ring of fire and expect you to jump through it to entertain my buddies, Or if I say,
- I like your style… it’s doggie style isn’t it?
- You speak very well. Who trained you?
- Did you forget your leash or are you a stray?
- If you really need to pee you can use the tree behind our house.
Choose any of the three viz. fairy, princess and bitch that suits the real you. To add some originality, add some random adjective like nihilist, twilight, dark, etc. and you can come up with your own moniker. Eg Nihilistic Fairy, Twilight Princess and Dark Bitch. Type them all in upper case so that everyone knows that you are serious.
Epilogue: I know I’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg but if you girls need more advice you can always contact me at leonardo.dapinchy@gmail.com.
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Posts: 19
Reply #21 on : Sat July 24, 2010, 15:10:53