Recently I posted the following on my fan page
"Better late than never" - the official necrophile motto.
Though I came up with the line myself I’m man enough to admit that it is brilliant and I deserved a blowjob or two for it but all I got was around 9 likes. Just fucking 9? It didn’t even come to double digits. Around the same time some female in my friend list changed her display pic and she got about 32 likes and around 25 comments. I had to kick her ass out of frustration and I kept her camera since I didn’t have one. But seriously WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? While I came up with something creative and I wasn’t appreciated a woman gets recognition for changing her display pic? Why? Wow she has the ability to upload a new picture. I’d rather be beaten to death by a donkey’s spinal cord than be appreciated for my ability to upload pictures. This is when I realized that the faceless anonymous writer that I am I can never become famous. So out of spite I decided to expose the sham that is change of profile pictures and the like storm that follows.
Firstly, since it’s very hard to come up with something creative on your own women decide to fall back to changing their display pictures since it easy and they can get some much desired ego stroking. Why take the pains to develop a skill when you get appreciated on the basis of your looks? Women work on a simple algorithm:
- Upload a new profile pic.
- Wait for everyone and I mean everyone to like and/or comment "cute", "choooo chweeet", "awwww", etc.
- Be happy.
- Respond to every comment and like INDIVIDUALLY with “Thank you… you are so sweet” so that the number of comments increases.
- Be happy again.
- Goto step 1.
Point this out to any girl and she’ll be offended because she knows it’s true.
Secondly, there are two kinds of people who “like” a change of profile photo.
Virgin men: There was a time when people had to kill themselves to get 72 virgins but today a girl changing her profile picture does the trick. If you ever see a guy liking the pic you can take it for granted that he doesn’t get any action. These virgin likers are the biggest losers ever conceived and are so untalented that they were born by a caesarian operation because they couldn’t even crawl out on their own. A note: they are losers not because they can’t get laid but because they think that if they are kind enough to give a like maybe the woman would be kind enough to give a fuck about their unacknowledged existence… a fuck in more than the literal sense. This is what goes on in their mind,
“Hey, you know what I did today. I liked this girl’s new display pic. Bet she’d want me to fuck her eyeballs out tonight. Let me go and purchase a dozen condoms.”
It’s not happening, losers. Give it up! Typical comment by this category – “Hey, dear! You look really good in this pic!!!!” What he actually means is, please for the love of God can I sleep with you. My dick is bored of my hand. The number of exclamation marks indicates the number of days since he last jerked off and is also the number of years till he gets laid. Sometimes, some of these guys resort to “Awwww”. It’s at times such as these that I wish I worked for facebook so that I could track these losers down, break into their home and replace all their pants with skirts. You want to act like a girl, start dressing up as one.
Other women: Women like updates by other women as a safety measure because women are not man enough to face the day that someone may not notice their update and their fragile ego maybe crushed forever. It is an unspoken contract. You scratch my back. I’ll scratch yours without unhooking your bra. Speaking of unhooking bras, why is it so damn hard? They are breast not convicted serial killers. For God sakes, I’ve seen maximum security prisons that are easier to break out of.
After finally getting a girl you know how disappointing it is when you can’t unhook the bra and you look around searching for a crowbar hoping to pry the blasted thing off her? It’s like getting invited to the party of the century and you’re forced to spend the entire time outside knocking on the door waiting to be let it. Ever wondered how hard it is to try it the very first time while trying to maintain an erection? It’s like some twisted contest where you have to choose between having sex and viewing boobies up close but in the end you get neither. The entire process is like an erection graveyard. Countless erections have been lost and countless babies have missed being born. Bras act as a better contraceptive than condoms. This is why men get excited every time they see topless women. They don’t have to go through the troubles of unhooking the bra.
But seriously, do women actually put bras on and take them off every day? If I was a girl I’d prefer being born with a bra. Putting them on and taking them off maybe the reason why woman take around two centuries to get dressed. On an approximation, I think it takes 29 minutes just to put the bra on the remaining clothes probably take 1 minute. All this while the guy waiting for her wonders if he could have solved a Rubik cube, learned Spanish and made love to a penguin in that much time and then gets bored and converts to homosexuality so that he won’t reach late again. Make the world a better place. Say no to bras. Maybe even upload a topless pic. I might like it.
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Posts: 26
Reply #27 on : Thu September 23, 2010, 22:44:19