People expecting an introduction to this article will face the business end of my fork.
Brahmins – If these guys weren’t lazy enough to clean their own feces, maybe everyone would have equal opportunity for education. Don’t worry my Brahmin brothers, you want reservation? You’ll get it on my plate. Don’t blame yourselves though you got beaten by a class act but I hope you’ve at least learnt something. Namely, if you can’t clean your shit? Don’t shit.
Hitler fan boys – Hilter actually did a few good deeds. If it wasn’t for him how would it be easy to weed out poseurs? Next time you hear some random douchebag, acne infested, impotent (Hitler fans are generally impotent. That is why they love the concept of dictatorship. Someone else doing all the decision making and/or fucking.), ‘I just hit puberty, I must desperately do something to come off as cool’ asshole (teenager) proclaiming how amazing Hitler is just hurl Mein Kampf at his testicles. If you like something so much you better have the balls to defend your claims. Either ways, I’m eating you along with your pointless ideology.
Sachin’s lunatic fans – There are just too many of them and they are always mentioning his stats. The only stats I want to hear are 36-24-36 or something close to that. Anyways, since they think Sachin is God, guess what? There is only one question stopping them from meeting him - Deep fry or roasted?
Delhiites – Delhiites are always complaining about how hot the place is, the traffic jams, how much Delhi sucks and the fact that they smell like Napoleon’s testicles. I don’t blame them. If I was in such a boring place all I would do is complain. Put them out of their misery and on a plate along with mint leaves to vanquish their rancid goat anus like smell. Remember to wash them a couple of times and add salt according to taste. Additional note: Many people have asked me, ‘why Delhiites are such pansies?’ It’s probably the atypical version of the humid subtropical climate along with the fertile alluvial soil of the Gangetic plains that has been conducive for the growth of sissies.
Mumbaites – Mumbaiites are loud, repulsive and think they are cool because they live in a hot and humid piece of shit that’s the financial shithole of India. They always whine that they pay most of the taxes and it ends up being used for the development of other regions. Well you won’t be paying any taxes when you are sitting on my plate ready to be consumed, will you? Win-win? Also, they spend a lot of time travelling either in local trains or buses so they’ll feel like home as they travel down your digestive system and finally end up in a real shithole.
Bangloreans – Anybody who spends their lifetime thinking that programming with the help of Google counts as being a Compute Engineer should be offered on a platter with fries on the side. They are mostly too stupid to understand anything on their own so just tell them to google, “You guys aren’t doing a real job so I’m going to eat you. Shut the fuck up and say hello to my small intestine.”
People who live in Kolkata – I don’t know anything about this city or even what their residents are called. Nonetheless, just to be on the safer side I’m eating them as well. Also, since it’s the third most populated metropolis there are loads to choose from. Bong Appétit!
People from other regions – It would be wrong to not eat them if you are eating people from other cities. Why discriminate, when you can serve them as appetizers?
Fat people – I fucking hate fat people. They are slow and they are always blocking my way. Whenever I ask a fat friend of mine to come out for an evening walk he’ll say, “Nah, I’ll just sit home and be fat.” Absolutely no contribution to society. Worst of all they always complain when they are called fat. You don’t hear me complaining when people call me mind-numbingly funny, do you? Facts are facts deal with it. Another good reason to eat them, they are easy to hunt down since they are slow and they are obviously filling.
Thin people – Why can’t these people eat enough food like normal folks? Use them as snacks.
Medium sized people – Why? Because they can’t decide on being either fat or thin. I hate people who are indecisive.
Kasab –Anything that is one word away from being spelled as Kabab is begging to be cooked. Do we really need to wait for a death sentence?
Suresh Kalmadi, Arundati Roy, Lalit Modi, Sania Mirza, Barka Dutt, Amitabh Bachan, Arnab Goswami, Chetan Bhagat, Sagarikha Gosh, etc – I’ve no idea what these people have done but I’ve heard a lot of people generally bitching about them. Including them is my attempt at targeting a wider mainstream audience.
PS: Obviously, the list was supposed to be blonger but some Kashmiri got stuck in my esophagus. Maybe he wanted to be in a Pakistani’s stomach.
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Posts: 9
Reply #9 on : Fri November 12, 2010, 23:54:09