For years there has been a debate of vegetarians Vs non-vegetarians with each side pissing the other one off with incessant gibberish. Whenever I sit in a restaurant with members of both group and they start their pointless argument, I get the unstoppable urge to stab everyone in the testicle – with a pair of forks – one for each of those hanging MANchurian balls - if people are going to whine I might as well give them a good enough reason. While I’m at it I also stab those people who always fight to pay the bill. “I’m paying the bill.” “No I’m.” “No, I insist on paying the bill.” This goes on and on while the waiter just stands there hoping someone puts some fucking money on the table so that he can serve more ungrateful assholes who refuse to pay any tip. You insist on paying the bill? I insist on stabbing you in the ovaries with a blunt fork. Ovaries because mostly women fight with each other for paying the bill. Men generally try to push the bill on each other. Only stupid people would want to pay the bill. Finally when the screaming and the bleeding stop, I order what I want to eat, eat – without using the stabbing fork - and walk out.
It’s during one of these sessions that I realized that both sides are wrong. There is nothing noble or challenging about plucking parts of an immobile living creature – plants or trees – and following it with mixing them together and then boiling/ heating/ making love to it/ whatever women do in their spare time in the kitchen ( especially those who fuck rich guys so that they have money to buy multiple shoes) to make their lives useful. It is plants or trees today, it maybe comatose patients or paralyzed people tomorrow? Even they don’t move or feel pain in certain regions, why not eat them? Regarding salads, frankly, if you are one of those pansies that eat salads, you should just go on all fours, find a field and chomp away. Maybe even find a rabbit and make promises of living together till the end of time. Paying money to eat something that looks and tastes like grass is equivalent to having someone kick you in the balls for money or watching one of Shahrukh’s movies.
Coming to the non-vegetarians – I can’t say this enough – killing and eating a bird namely chicken that can’t even fly and has been raised for the sole purpose of ending up on somebody’s plate isn’t an achievement. That’s like expecting a high-five after losing your virginity to your wife which was picked out by your parents. Isn't arranged marriage stupid? If someone can't find a suitable mate for talking let alone mating, does he really deserve the opportunity to procreate? Isn't that cheating? Won't he produce more pathetic losers that depend on their parents for everything? Boycott arranged marriage! Coming back to the topic at hand, it’s not just chickens, animals like cows spends most of their time lying around, shitting or letting some stranger tug on her titties for milk without even putting up a challenge. You ate a cow? Wow, your balls must be huge! Please, can I fondle them? And the lowest of them all is an egg. Something whose sole protection is a white shell that is as weak as a teenager’s self confidence shouldn’t be the food of men.
My excellent observation leads to the following conclusion that are questions:
1. Who is right?
2. What can I put into my mouth to satisfy the hunger of my stomach without ending up like a total douchebag?
The answer to question 1 is me. And the answer to question 2 is not my cock but actually is
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Posts: 8
Reply #9 on : Sun November 14, 2010, 20:39:08