Every trip/ trek/ journey/ outing/ picnic that I've ever had the displeasure of going to has been scarred by the vile act of antakshari. For those who don't know,
Antakshari is the evil game invented by some cockless asshole to ruin everyones' joy and plummet the world into a cynical, pessimistic, dystopian society in which crabs rule.
Or in layman terms, it's is game in which "each contestant sings the first verse of a (usually Bollywood) movie song that begins with the Hindi or Urdu consonant on which the previous contestant's song selection ended". This game is widely played in India and Pakistan. No wonder we hate each other so much.
I'll roughly list the events that leads up to antakshari.
- Bored bitch decides that everyone else is bored and wants to make things worse by pushing the limits of boredom further because she hates humanity, God, puppies, virgins, little fluffy toys and everything else pure. She suggests a game of antakshari.
- Other bitches get an orgasm and jump onto the idea.
- Assholes who are otherwise ignored and are talentless singers hope that this will be their only opportunity of showcasing skills that they lack and will finally get some ass grabbing action, welcome the idea as well.
- Normal blokes like me realize that we can't stop this disaster train and decide to firmly plant our thumbs up our colon so that we can prepare ourselves for the anal rape our respective ears will be forced to.
- The world becomes a grim place and I pray Santa brings me a flamethrower this Christmas.
Here's how antakshari starts,
"The game is often kicked off with the consonant /m/ with the group spiritedly reciting an antakshri theme song to build enthusiasm for the game that ends in that consonant. The theme song can vary, but usually has wording similar to -
Baithe, baithe, kya karein? Karna hai kuch kaam,
Shuru karo antakshri, leke prabhu/rabb ka naam!
What should we do as we sit around? We must do something,
Come, let's begin antakshri, by first taking the name of the Lord!"
A group of people spiritedly reciting something can only mean one thing, Death-eaters ushering the onset of dark ages by summoning faggy Voldermort who'll end up displaying the magical act of his personal humongous snake Slytherin and out of his ass. At least it would be entertaining. And what the fuck is up with the theme song?
"What should we do as we sit around?"
Sit around what?
"We must do something"
Not play antakshari would be a good start.
"Come, let's begin antakshri, by first taking the name of the Lord!"
Where do you want to take the name of the Lord? Home? To a barber's shop? Where? And why do we need to take the name of the Lord before beginning antakshari? Would it offend him?
Angel to God, "Come quick, they haven't taken your name before beginning antakshari? What do you want us to do?"
God, "Send in the chainsaw wielding, mutant lizards. That'll teach them to fuck with me. None of my creations are supposed to begin antakshari without my prior notice. Why would anyone want to listen to a group of talentless singers, singing shitty songs before using my name?"
And if some game requires to have a theme song sung "to build enthusiasm" maybe it's not fun to begin with. Maybe everyone is fooling themselves into believing that they are having fun and don't want to be left out. Like people buying iPhones. There is nothing worse than a man holding an iPhone. Oh look at the user interface! Look how easy it is to navigate this phone! Look how pretty it is! Well even panties look pretty but you don't end up holding them wherever you go? Phones are supposed to be manly. I would want a phone that has sharp edges and weighs like a boulder. Carrying it around should be a life risking act and should take effort. It should be something that I can throw at MTV fanboys and ruin their shit permanently. A phone with a horrible user interface. Something that needs you to punch buttons and is required to be thrown against a wall or something for simple tasks like unlocking the phone. It should require an hour to dial a number. This way people will only make calls when they really need to. They won't be with their thumbs up their ass every second of their life talking to someone. No personalized ring tones. The only ring tone is going to be a foghorn at full blast. Too bad if you have a heart condition and cannot stand abrupt loud sounds. People with ring tones are divided into two categories.
- Those who end up using popular songs as their ring tone to fit in. Well the one place I hope they fit in to is a hot iron-rod used for impaling.
- Those who use obscure songs to stand out and act unique. You know what's unique? Catapulting someone into a hungry lion's cage. Hmmm....
And the phone sure as fuck won't have any mp3 support. There is too much music in everyone's life. All you hear is music makes me happy but in reality everyone is a sad asshole making life miserable for those around them. And I'm tired of hearing 'music is my religion'. No it's not. What does that even mean? Do you worship guitars? Or trumpets? Wouldn't that make you a delusional shit pipe? Wouldn't that make you a loony? "Hey, Mrs. Wilson what is Jimmy doing?" "Oh he's just praying to his trumpet. You know music is his religion." BAM! Jimmy has no friends anymore. Jimmy is all lonely. Then there are some who claim to be atheist but say music is their religion. How is that possible? It's like having a penis and still enjoying antakshari. Did I mention how much I hate antakshari?
PS: Here's what I think about some of the rules.
"The first song must start with (m)."
Madarchod......
"Songs have to be started from the beginning of the wording of the song (excluding any crooning)."
What the fuck is crooning and why the fuck is it excluded? I want crooning. I want crooning all the time. Fascist assholes, denying me of crooning.
"Only songs from Indian movies are allowed by default. Songs from other languages can be allowed with prior agreement if most people in the group know that language."
So, Indian movies mean Bollywood movies, right? Like other movies are not Indian movies.
"At least the first verse of the song must be sung. If the singer does not remember it in entirety, they cannot use the song. If the singer's so chooses, they can sing additional verses from the same song for their enjoyment, though this often doesn't affect the ending-letter (due to rhyming) as stopping mid-verse is not allowed."
>>Can sing additional verses from the same song for their enjoyment?
>>Their enjoyment?
What about my enjoyment.
"No song can be repeated again in the game."
Sweet Moses! Thank you.
Note: The lines within quotes are used verbatim from the wiki article on antakshari.
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Posts: 25
Reply #25 on : Sun July 10, 2011, 22:00:51