Five more reasons for Barack Obama to say, “I screwed up.”

1. The sales of Fair & Handsome have decreased exponentially. Chiknas have lost the upper hand. Chicks prefer my neighbour "VSB" (also referred to as Vikrantaramanam Shrikantaramana Batanatamata by those who can remember his name) over Hrithik Roshan/Shahid Kapur /*Insert faggy chocolate boy here*. Tar has found an alternative use with a few fair guys in a desperate bid to feel accepted. However a recent survey showed that women still prefer men with a natural deep fried look.

2. After hearing "we want change" countless number of times, rickshaw and taxiwallas have gone berserk. They have turned into change zombies refusing to return change. As a result of this rickshaw/taxiwallas have become incredibly wealthy and logistics (driving) ---predicted to overtake the IT industry--- has been touted as the next hot profession. Yatin Ab Bhikari (name changed on request), a former Satyam employee claimed that there were better opportunities for growth in this field, and also the couples making out in the back seat are all real and not ‘cooked’.


3. With Obama imitating Aamir with the ‘close crop/Ghajini look’ the sales of shampoos, conditioners, hair gels, eggs, tomatoes, pigeon-poop, rabbit blood and every other conceivable hair care product has been hit severely. As a result of the downslide in the business famous hair stylist Gayit Homowalla was forced to shut shop. He has gone back to touching unsuspecting college kids in local trains.

4. Illiterate extremist fucks mistakenly thought 'Osama was elected'. To celebrate this momentous day they decided to indulge in a “suicide bomber orgy”, where once again the women were barred entry and relegated to the sidelines. Ashfaq and Afzal made merry while the moon shone whereas Alifiya made the pancakes. WHO reported that the AIDS population shot up by a staggering 24% on and around the 20th of January 2009.

5. Following the ouster of President Bush shoe sales in Afghanistan and other Islamic countries have fallen drastically. An American shoe major, which invested in developing aerodynamically optimized footwear with targeting mechanisms has filed for bankruptcy and sued the Obama campaign. The unsold stock has been jointly purchased by the Indian Rifle Association (which has begun research and development on the targeting mechanisms) and a prominent fundamentalist party (which has strung the shoes into garlands citing Valentine’s Day celebration).

Write a comment