Our overflowing altruism at BigFishMag compelled us to spread our belief to that an unabashed, shameless optimism is the only solution to the world’s grievances, present and future. So well versed we are, at being upbeat in adversity that the thought of World War3 spawned this article. Here’s what World War 3 looks like- a BigFishMag phophecy.

Point1. Homosexuals, for the first time, will be looked up at, being the only community ‘nominated’ and ‘willing’ to participate in a nuclear war. They just would not pass-on the opportunity of working alongside ‘long missiles’ that ‘explode’. Armed forces are anyway conducive to homosexuality…’lonely males’, ‘big guns’, ‘ showers’, ‘gay’ being the keyword.

Point2. “World War 3 has potential………..it can be the next IPL”, that’s a media baron’s eureka moment. This realization will begin a vicious bidding to buy the broadcast rights of the ‘Mega Event’, ‘Blockbuster Extravaganza’ i.e. World War3. A meeting of ‘programming heads’ will decide which countries ‘should be’ good and which evil. Most channels will prefer the popular ‘family entertaining’ format where the whole family can watch the war together. Few will reserve a late night slot following the ‘sexpert chat show’ where war-specific gore, sex & violence will see airtime owing to the assumption that ‘the children are sleeping’, well guess what………..they won’t be.

Point3. WW3 will provide the solution to current economic turmoil Like all ‘good’ wars, America will win it. The weak world economies will be further dissipated when America itself will offer help. Countries will be owned by the U.S before the lending spree ends. American economy will boom with regular cheques from world over. NASDAQ will flourish with foreign cash. Global economic meltdown will end but so would have most of the globe.

Point4. “I do not know how WW3 will be fought but WW4 will be fought with sticks”, Albert Einstein once professed. So, post WW3 usage of sticks for anything other than weaponry will be completely banned. This will deliver us from the wasteful utilization of sticks as seen in stick figure comics in our comics section.

India, too, will have specific reasons to rejoice.

Point1: Like everything remotely tedious in America, war too will get outsourced. The ever obliging outsourcing industry will lap it up and send overzealous half-wit under graduates on the ‘floor’ immediately. ‘Floor’, however, will be a trecherous war zone instead of air conditioned computer stations. The only other change will be seen in the nomenclature specific to the industry ex. the 17 and a half year old ‘performer of the month’ will be nominated for 'Lt. Colonel' of ‘Rashtriya ArdhBheja’ batallion instead of ‘call supervisor' for ‘team outbound’.

Point2: Armies observing ‘gender equality’ in their recruitment policy will be in for a surprise when they land in India. Our lady-haters like Mootaleak will point out to the ‘real’ meaning of “We need ‘manpower’ for our armed forces”. He and his sena, the 'Rashtriya Molesters' battalion, will devise a melee attack using their expertise in slap, punch, squeeze and fondle to bamboozle the most hardened female war veterans from the world over. This will tilt the war in our favour with all female rank-holders withdrawing from any further war effort in India.

Now something on a different note.

An excerpt,

"...he’s been having questions lately. He has no name for what he feels for her. His desire for her 'overflows' everytime he sees her. He wants her to ‘see’ his ‘prowess’.

She’s sitting right in front of him. She ‘pressed no button’ but he's completely turned on. The ‘proximity’ of her body is making it difficult to not make a move. But he must observe restraint……… He can't. He’s about to explode.

She’s older, she knows more than him. She has seen others. She knows what he wants. She doesn’t like him but she wants him too. She’s giving in to the ‘tension’ in the air, a tension that needs to be relieved, a tension that demands action, a tension that comes from having what the other wants. The tension is unbearable now.

She looks down in his eyes and says “Ok…lets get it done with”. So he moves his hands to her.....”

Ahhhhhh sleazebag.

I think I pleased the guys(straight) with a reference to sex out of the blue.

Soft porn (Danielle Steele and the likes) readers, however, must be complaining about the ‘lack’ of sexual inuendos.

The above excerpt, yet, is more than a ploy to sell the article. It’s an apt analogy to my next point.

Many countries have nuclear warheads now and have never used it. They are like the desperate guy in the excerpt ‘overflowing’ with the desire ‘show their prowess’ . The close proximity of arousing (pun intended) neighbours makes it further difficult to not ‘press the button’. There’s ‘no name for the feeling’ where you are willing to end a country and end yourself in the bargain. The girl is like the ‘older’ countries who ‘know’ the experience of ‘exploding’ their bombs on others. A point will come when the decision to ‘get it done with’ will be made. ‘Tension’ is building up and World War 3 will be the ultimate rapture to be filmed live (delight for fans of ‘war porn’ if it’s an existing genre)

Furthermore, the world ends on 21st December 2012 (read: Mayan Calender, Terence McKenna, Hindi News Channels). The date is a bit over three years away but a war needs to go on for a couple of years for it to qualify as a ‘World War’. So…… BREAKING NEWS…brought to you first by BigFishMag…. World War 3 can break out at any instance.

So sit back. Relax. Enjoy. It’s coming LIVE.

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