No one is perfect; not even God. To drive home the point let me take the case of Christianity.
God
gave us the Ten Commandments and decided to take a break. Little did
the almighty realize that he missed out on one. He coaxed Jesus into
making a quick stop-over on Earth so as to get the job done. If you are
wondering why he himself didn’t grace us with his presence, then I
guess you don’t realize that it would look really stupid if God said
“umm… look, I forgot to give a commandment…. It’s actually 11 not 10….
Silly mistake I know”.
Anyhoo, the new Commandment delivered was “Love thy neighbor as
I have loved you”. Nothing too fancy, just your average run-of-the-mill
stuff. Apparently it didn’t go down well with the masses. I guess the
whole love one-another thing was just a little too much to ask for.
People were really pissed and decided to vent it out by crucifying
Jesus. What is even more surprising is that years later people are
still awaiting the second coming of Christ! Frankly speaking, if I were
Jesus, I wouldn’t want to come back. Not in a million years. Ever heard
the phrase: First impression is last impression?
I guess the
mistake here was: God picked the wrong place and the wrong time for
Jesus. Usually parents put in a lot of research before sending their
children anywhere - giving top priority to safety. I guess God was just
too complacent. Should I say, to err is divine?
I’ll tell you why I think it was the wrong place and wrong time.
Jesus was born in Jew country. It doesn’t take a lot of common
sense to understand that to be popular amongst the Jew folks you need
to be loaded with cash - which your next door Jew can steal from you.
Jesus, son of a carpenter, was not exactly a rich bugger. This could
have been overlooked were he born into a house of lawyers but I guess
the almighty goofed up again. So bad was the error that many experts
consider it to be strike 1, 2 and 3 all bundled into one. Sure he was
endowed with good looks but judging by his track record he certainly
was no womanizer.
Another thing which Jesus lacked was subtlety. In a country
where the national past time was feeding the heretic to the lions or
pelting the heretic to death one does not walk around nonchalantly
claiming to be the “Son of God”. Again the almighty to be blamed! A few
words of fatherly wisdom and Jesus would have been more articulate with
some of his speeches.
I guess this settles the fact, wrong place
and wrong time. The time and place that would have been just perfect is
…..*Drum roll*….Contemporary India. I bet you are shocked and stunned
but I can give you a sound explanation.
a) If you are looking for a country where the people are eager to follow the next circus clown to their deaths then India is the place for you. If a country can believe that someone like “Runvijayrun” is a youth icon, I say they’ll believe anything Jesus says. People here once believed that a woman has to burn herself to death once the husband dies! You want believers, you’ll get them by the barrel here. If you are an Indian and you feel offended don’t worry we aren’t the only gullible people alive. America comes in a close second. They have scientology.
b) Jesus liked children. Where else will you find more children than in the second most populated country in the world? The first most populated country you say? The Chinese all look the same; even Jesus won’t be able to tell the difference. Indian children come in a variety of size, shape and color.
c) Jesus could also indulge in mass healing of the sick - another one of his recreational activities. India has a large number of twisted mangled children. It doesn’t get any better than this. Maybe Jesus could heal all the twisted mangled children. Rids us of all the omnipresent beggars. Then again, no twisted mangled children, no Slumdog Millionaire and sadly, no Oscar. (I have a feeling these white folks come here only for the poor-hungry India. If we were a developed country they would say “Fuck it! Too hot, I ain’t going there.)
d) Another amazing advantage for Jesus is that he won’t even have to worry about being crucified. Here’s what would happen. Even if he’s arrested, the newspaper headlines would go something like this:
Front page headline: “Jesus arrested for heresy”
Next day
Front page headline: “Jesus released on bail”
50 Years later
14th page: “The case goes on”
All in all, India is a great place for Gods.
God if you’re listening to me, next time send someone here.
PS: If you are a Christain and have a problem with this article remember what Jesus said. "Forgive and forget".
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Posts: 4
Reply #4 on : Thu May 21, 2009, 23:08:11