The monsoon season began with some awesome news! The BMC (Mumbai's Municpal Corporation) accepted the fact that they are not prepared for the water logging issue. You must be wondering: how can this be good news? You think I’m being sarcastic and just want to poke fun at the incompetent louts better known as BMC officials? If that is the case then I am afraid that you’re cynical and partially wrong. I mean that our BMC officials are incompetent louts, there is no arguing that fact, but I’m not being sarcastic.
The very fact that BMC has claimed that we are going to get fucked this monsoon* shows that India is progressing as a nation. I always thought that coming across an honest government employee was as distant a possibility as having free sex with a hooker. Finally these sneaky government guys have stopped lying. Hopefully one day we can rid ourselves of lies like freedom of speech and expression as well. Since we have been informed about water logging beforehand I say we take it with a bucket of water. In fact, water logging isn’t all that bad. Every monsoon it gives Mumbai a whole new look and every Mumbaikar, facts to be proud of. You know 71% of the world is covered with water. Since we cannot be behind the world, every monsoon 70% of Mumbai is covered with water. If that is not something every Mumbaikar can be proud of then I guess you are devoid of the very emotion of pride.
Mumbai is known as the city of Islands and every monsoon the BMC works real hard to makes sure that it ends up being one. ‘Clean Mumbai, Green Mumbai’ just isn’t enough! It’s time we became ‘Clean Mumbai Green Mumbai and Submerged Mumbai’! Last heard, even Venice, the ‘city of water’ was red with envy. The water-logging is beneficial not only for Mumbai but also the average Mumbaikar.
As soon as the early light-showers hit the city, which is practically equivalent to three people taking a piss in tandem, the streets turn into rivers. This is the perfect time for ‘Black water rafting’ the national sport of every Mumbaikar. If black water rafting isn’t good enough for you, I hope you realize that you are just a racist in denial. Take a raft and a paddle away, grin with pride as the rest watch you in envy. In fact point and laugh at the vehicle owners whose vehicles refuse to start. Vehicles are for common folks! With your raft you’ll be the talk of town. In fact chicks will totally dig you. Some of them, blinded by your coolness, may actually throw their breasts at you. Do wear a helmet for safety purpose.
Another fun activity is coming out of manholes. Falling into manholes is for the average bloke. If you are the rebellious kind you need to try coming out of manholes. It’s totally cool and there isn’t anyone doing it. Imagine when everyone has their facebook statuses as ‘lol…I fell into a manhole today... LOL’ and you keep your status message as ‘I came out of a manhole today’! Chicks will be so impressed they’ll first get breast implants and then throw their breasts at you.
I know what you are thinking right now. Water-logging kicks ass! Then again there are a few of you who can never be satisfied. You refuse to see the beauty of water logging. Don’t worry; I’ve got an awesome idea for you guys as well. Chop down every tree in sight. With no trees you won’t have any rains. I think you can figure out the rest.
Through this article I’ve given just a few ideas on how to enjoy this monsoon. There are a million other ways as well which you just have to discover. With a lil’ research and a lot of embarrassment you can create a few fun games on your own.
So what are you waiting for? Go on and enjoy the rains!
PS: ‘Drowning the annoying neighbour’ has been banned as a sport. You may still continue to indulge in it if you feel like.
*Claim modified by adding the word fuck for the purpose of humour. Remember our terms and conditions! You can’t sue us!
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Posts: 7
Reply #7 on : Mon July 20, 2009, 09:22:30