Today it might seem to us that the practice of Sati was completely moronic but imagine the reactions when some pundit announced it for the very first time. As devout as the women were back then, I am pretty sure it must have caused a few raised eyebrows -- to say the least.
Here is an outsider’s take on what-why-when-who were responsible behind one of the most -- insert an adjective of your choice -- acts in the history of India.
The Genesis:
Concerned Man 1: Taking into consideration today’s casualties, the death toll for War no #253 has increased to 1450. If this goes on, we might as well start packing our shit and head home. Anyways, the reason I came here is to bring to your notice that the war is really fucking up the sex ratio back home. Men are getting outnumbered. Many of our warriors are beginning to feel a little insecure. Balwan has slipped into depression and Shoorveer is already knocking on the doors. I think it is about time you made the call.
Concerned Man 2: I guess you are right. Get the Pundit on the line.
Pundit: Hey buddy, how’s everything at your end?
Concerned Man 2: Holding on. Fuck that, I have a bigger concern. This whole skewed sex ratio thing is getting to the warriors. You need to think of something ASAP or this could get out of hand.
Pundit: Damn! For a moment I thought that the people had gotten over the idea of “the invisible man” and his “way of life”. Give me two minutes and I’ll get back to you.
* Two minutes later*
Pundit: How about this: We convince people that a married woman has to set herself on fire upon the death of her husband. It’s along the lines of ship burials which have been very successful and hence there is no need to question the viability of the plan. Carry those 1450 along and the problem is as good as solved.
Concerned Man 2: That is one shitty idea!
Pundit: I know; that is why I call it Sati.
Concerned Man 2: Hmm...But how does one sell the idea? It’s not as if the women will not notice when 1450 other women are running around engulfed in flames.
Pundit: I haven’t thought about it yet. Maybe I’ll use the “Men have dick” excuse.
Concerned Man 2: No, CAN’T DO. You used it last time for female infanticide. Do not underestimate the common folk. They’ll be onto you in a flash.
Pundit: True….I’ll think of something. You let the warriors know that they have nothing to worry about. All has been taken care of. Try and get a few unrecognizable dead from the neighbouring camp along. There are a few bitches out there I want to get back at.
Concerned Man 2: No problem. Will do!
The Revelation:
Pundit: Okay lovely ladies gather around, we’ve received another word from the almighty and coincidentally it involves you again. Laxmibai, Laxmibai… please ma’am, please. You can stop fidgeting with the sun-block, after my announcement is through, a tanned complexion will be the least of your problems! Now, even though this might sound a little “over-the-top” when you hear it for the first time, I am sure if you ladies think it through, we can come to the reasonable conclusion that “the almighty” only wants the best for us. Shakuntala Devi you might want to step away from the bull because what you are about to hear could take you by shock and hence close proximity to the horns is not advisable.
Okay, here goes: you know a few men returned dead from the war. Of course you do, they are your sons and husbands. Anyways, what the lord almighty wishes for is *muffled voice* that every man’s wife sits on the pyre with him without questioning the reason behind it and sacrifices herself to the will of God. This act of selfless sacrifice will be called Sati and from what I have been hearing is a direct path to heaven. Okay next up, the all important issue of who broke the temple window!
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Posts: 5
Reply #5 on : Sun September 06, 2009, 23:08:02