1. Projectile Vomiting: Okay so the idea’s been there for a while. But it’s time somebody took more initiative. This sport is an excellent way to get one back on superiors or people who are just too big for you. The best way to participate is to get roaring drunk especially if you’re not somebody who drinks… EVER!! Points are awarded on how distant an opponent you can hit, the portion of the opponent’s physical structure you can cover & how chunky your puke is.
A highly entertaining spectator-sport. However the audience is advised to maintain a safe-distance from the participants in their own best interests.
2. Pissing Yourself: Totally awesome and it’s best enjoyed in conjunction with another one of those beloved underground sports – KEG GUZZLING!! A very simple sport to play; all a participant has to do is find copious quantities of beer and start drinking till he can hold it in no longer and wets himself (And the best part is that he/she will be too far gone in Loo-Loo land to even notice).
It is however a little difficult to judge. The points are awarded after careful scientific evaluation of factors like participants’ body mass index, physical health, relationship status, metaphysical well-being, sexual orientation, average seminal/menstrual discharge etc.
3. Grenade Ping-Pong: Ordinary table-tennis gets quite dull. So to add a level of hitherto unknown excitement and to elevate it from just another sport to an act of supreme daredevilry, twisted minds invented Grenade Ping-Pong. The game is played in exactly the same way as ordinary ping-pong with the only difference being that the ball is replaced by a special bouncy Grenade. And for the athletic ones there’s always Grenade Tennis and rapidly catching up in America is Grenade Baseball which sees the pitcher wielding a RPG.
A minor drawback of these sports is that one can never be sure of a grenade’s exact detonation time.
4. That Fun Fun Thing We Do (i.e. masturbation): OK... what’s true is true. We all do it. Even the people who have steady partners and are getting plenty of love aren’t averse to spending some pleasant alone-time once in a while. The common man does it, as do the celebrities.
So making it an official sport is a win-win situation for the competitors and spectators and even the more important people i.e., the sponsors & advertisers. The thing that makes masturbating such a fun sport is that everybody is a winner. And I don’t mean just the participants. The people who play (in this case with themselves) are happy, the people who watch them do it are happier. All in all this sport has the potential to easily usurp football as the most played & watched sport in the world.
5. Gaand Mein Danda : This is an act we often tell people to perform upon themselves. Its fame is such that there’s already a song on it.
This sport like a phoenix builds upon the ashes of another whose time has come – CRICKET. Cricket is dying. No matter what new rehashed format it be presented in, it’s getting duller by the day. The fact that they’re making the games shorter is proof that people are losing their patience with it. After T20 we’ll son have F5. And even that won’t save this ship going down like all of Harman Baweja’s future movies.
Hence this radical sport ignites a new spark of life in an otherwise boring sport. In this sport you have to shove a stick up the other guy’s ass.... literally. Players chasing each other with stumps and bats is a common sight. You are supposed to beat the opponent senseless and maximum points are scored if you are able to shove a stump up his ass. And as cricket is supposed to be a gentleman’s game, after the game’s over all the players shake hands and apologize to each other and go hand-in-hand for tea like the faggots that they are.
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Posts: 6
Reply #6 on : Sat January 23, 2010, 13:25:12