Issue #8: A Conspiracy Theory on China

territorial pissing arunachal pradesh china indiaOne fine day, a few months ago, I read a news report on how China was sending men over to the Indo-China border to imprint the word 'China' over stones. I found this incident to be so hilarious I knew I had to write on it. So I started off with my research. While editors and journalists all over the country dug up every archive they could find to support their theory and articles with evidence; I scratched my self at unmentionable locations. After two months of intense scratching, I've finally come with a two part article. The article is small since you lazy asses won't read anything that is bigger than an amoeba’s penis.

Part I: The sowing of seeds.

Contrary to popular belief, the weakening of India by China began a long time ago. It all started when I was a kid. T.V provided every kid with three role models: Mithun, Govinda and Jackie Chan. Mithun was breaking every law of physics at the speed 3 times that of light while Govinda was trailing along behind at the speed of sound. What this meant is those kickass moves of Mithun and Govinda ‘could not be tried at home' because they are physically impossible. Dejected every kid turned to Jackie Chan. Now, karate could not only be imitated, it was also being taught! Every Tom, Dick, Harry, Patel, Patil, D'souza, Sharma, Khan, Yadav, Thirumayatamaiyalamanama, etc enrolled themselves into Karate classes. While the younger generation of Indians were going ‘hu-ha’ and trying to get a belt of a different colour, CHINA DEVELOPED NUCLEAR WEAPONS. They tricked us! I spent days crying and wailing so that my parents would put me into one of those faggy Karate classes. Finally when my parents relented, I their hard earned cash by taking that faggy class. I want my tears, time and money back you bastards!!!!

Part II: The real reason.

China claims that Arunachal Pradesh(AP) belongs to them because the people of AP look like them. (This claim is completely verified by my two months of research). This means that Indians cannot look like Chinese and hence China must take them. Now taking only the people is ridiculous so they must take the place were the people are dwell i.e. AP. But this is not their real motive.

china india nepal dragging watchman sabji kancha

I'll tell you what the Chinese really want. The people who look like Chinese: include Chinese, Indian, Tibetan, Nepali and people from some more countries which no one cares about. Now after China gets AP it will go around India hand-picking every one who looks Chinese and taking them back to China. They'll make their way to Mumbai (Look how I've not hurt the feelings of my Marathi brothers by avoiding the word Bombay). From Mumbai, they'll pick the Nepalis. The Nepalis have been very important since they provide security by being our watchmen. Thus, China will completely weaken Mumbai without its trusted watchmen. The soothing call of "Saabji" will no longer be heard. And then finally when no one is looking - They'll steal the jobs of the Marathi Manoos.


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- Leonardo DaPinchy (♫Nirvana - Territorial Pissing)

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Anonymous
Posts: 4
Comment
Re: A Conspiracy Theory on China
Reply #4 on : Sun January 24, 2010, 00:06:20
good one
Ankur
Posts: 4
Comment
Re: A Conspiracy Theory on China
Reply #3 on : Mon January 25, 2010, 05:31:57
amoeba’s penis?? ;) ;)
I hope our politicians get as gutsy.. marathi manoos..
Shabbar
Posts: 4
Comment
Re: A Conspiracy Theory on China
Reply #2 on : Sat February 20, 2010, 06:56:16
amoeba's penis!! dude I thought they reproduced asexually... I knew studying science was of no use...damn I knew it they were fooling us in school...lol..nice article Leo...keep up the good work!!
Karinthia
Posts: 4
Comment
MxSYxLgpExcwwM
Reply #1 on : Fri July 29, 2011, 19:12:19
Holy Toledo, so glad I cickled on this site first!