Here are 5 phrases that I decided to over-analyze since I had nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon.

“In God we trust”

This is the worst one ever! If you believe in God - an all powerful being who is capable of creating the universe and controlling the course of your life - you better fucking trust Him. In fact you need to go down on your knees and do whatever He tells you to. It’s freaking obvious! If you believe in Him and can’t trust Him, you need some serious psychological attention.

This quote is just as ridiculous as “When it itches, you scratch”. What else were you expecting from me, Einstein? Shoot myself in the balls when it itches?

“God helps those who help themselves”

Wow! That’s one fucked up image of God you possess! If you could do something about it, you wouldn’t ask for help in the first place, would you? In case you are expecting an answer to this rhetoric, the answer will appear after 5 minutes. If it doesn’t restart your computer and try again.

Getting back to the topic, imagine this scenario. You are hanging for dear life from a cliff. A passerby sees you and you ask him to pull you up. If in exchange to your plea for help, this guy says, “Try to pull yourself up, only then will I help you”, I’m sure he won’t be your best pal from then on… considering you survive. What is obvious is that one of the two people in this scenario will die.

You could expect a human to shy away from lending a helping hand but God won’t. Who ever created this quote was trying to tarnish the image of God. Anyone using this quote should be burned at the stake or stoned to death or stoned while being burned at the stake. This event should take place in an open space preferably with a large seating capacity and frankies (I love frankies) and other refreshments being served.

“Do your best!”

If I could get a blowjob for every time I heard this, I would probably never write this article. This quote goes ahead of the other senseless rhetoric statements that you get to hear such as, ‘are you awake?’. The reason why this sucks is because no one sees how fucking retarded it is. Don’t worry I’ll enlighten you.

You study hard all night for your exams. Yes, a few people study hard all night before the exams. This is because they haven’t done anything throughout the year. You know what they call these people? Men with balls who enjoy their bloody life instead of rushing to submit every assignment before the required deadline! Anyways, half dead trying to cram this worthless knowledge into your head, you are about to leave for your exam. Suddenly out of nowhere you get this phrase, 'do your best', accompanied by a big fat grin and a thumbs up. What do you think I was planning to do? Go there and try really hard to underperform? Fail on purpose? Why do you think I studied hard? Did I want to play a prank on myself?

“Money can’t buy everything”

You don’t need a course in economics to realize that money was made for the sole purpose of buying. If there is anything that can be bought money buys it.  Also, don’t delude yourself with the ‘money can’t give you happiness’ crap. This shit was created by some rich, fat and greasy capitalist who didn’t want other people to earn and get richer, fatter, and greasier than him. Look at Bill Gates? Can you see the dark circle under his eyes? The dark circle created by those sleepless tearful nights that he spent. No you can’t, can you? You know why? Because the fucker doesn’t cry! He’s got money and he’s fucking happy. Every man knows if he has money he can buy anything he wants for his nagging wife and demanding children. It keeps them silent and the silence makes him happy. If you say money doesn’t buy shit, next time, I’m gonna mug your pathetic ass and steal all you got because you don’t fucking deserve it!

Alright, if you did notice there were only 4 phrases. If you were expecting another phrase and are disappointed... too bad!

PS: All those who roam around showcasing “I love my country” T-Shirts, on behalf of your country I say, I love you too. Now get a fucking sensible T-shirt!

Write a comment

g2
Posts: 20

influenced by carlin :)
Reply #20 on : Mon April 05, 2010, 23:01:09

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I know this is one of the most useless comments you can ever get... because I know people like you treasure comments that are dumb ;)

Anyways.. I've been reading bfm for over a month now and I like it a lot... I can see influences of George Carlin who I consider as GOD (I know he'll be turning in his grave assuming he is not cremated for calling him a GOD)

mayank sharma
Posts: 20

5th phrase >
Reply #19 on : Mon April 05, 2010, 23:36:08

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hw abt 'Hard work is the key to success' ..tht could b the 5th one. The only key to success is deception n mkng it look like u r a work champ wen all u do at office is sit n read bigfish n othr such wrks of art !

Di
Posts: 20

Re: Over Analysis Of 5 Phrases
Reply #18 on : Tue April 06, 2010, 04:52:54

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I thought “When it itches, you scratch" was supposed to be the fifth one :)

Super Maan Singh
Posts: 20

@ mayank
Reply #17 on : Tue April 06, 2010, 07:20:09

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now first up, you'd think why the hell am i commenting on behalf of BFM, well i havnt written for a while (read: 8 months). Anyhow, the fact that you consider BFM a piece of art is overwhelming and we appreciate it.

Leo
Posts: 20

Re: Over Analysis Of 5 Phrases
Reply #16 on : Tue April 06, 2010, 11:39:59

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@ g2

This article was written a long time ago. I guess the idea for this article came around the time I was watching Carlin and was completed when I started following Maddox. I guess both of them have influenced me. Plagiarism charges have been rampant at the office of BFM and this article did cause a lot of pointless uproar (read: Leo menstruating).

@ mayank

Hardwork without ass kissing will take you no where. Also, I envy you. I can't access the internet at my workplace.

@ Di

I thought someone would say that. Actually there was another phrase used, 'are you awake'. Taking the head count to 6. :D

@ Super Maan Singh

Being a founding member of BFM you are eligible to represent us expect during moments you wish to make an ass of yourself and lower the image of this mag. Since you haven't written anything in a long time you shall not be entitled to any share of the profit we make. Also, we shall not be considering this comment of yours as an article.