Mumba, November 6: U.S President Barack Obama arrived at Mumbai airport on his first Presidential visit wearing brown bellbottom pants and a red-white polka dotted shirt. “His look has been specifically designed in keeping with the retro wave in India”, said the Presidential couturier. International diplomatic conduct being based on Bollywood fad is a novel phenomenon. Even the usually stoic Manmohan Singh was visibly taken aback and the expression of ‘surprise’ was added to his extremely limited repertoire. President Obama was sporting a side-parted wig with tremendous sideburns.
The President was carried from the airport to hotel Taj Mahal in a car that was clearly not the Cadillac Limousine usually associated with his office. The Dharmendarised 1970s Corvette that was used instead was a last minute demand in keeping with the retro theme. Reasonably highly placed sources from Indian govt. said that Dharmendarising or bomb-proofing of vehicles is a homegrown technology and has been keeping Indian officials alive since prehistoric was retro. We have reports that the first Presidential address will not include the mandatory ‘Namaastey Indiyaa’ and will be replaced by oscillating pelvic thrusts as popularized by Mithunda.
Speculation is rife as to how this retro development will affect the negotiation proceedings. Seeing the PM in need of a new strategy for talks on non-commercial use of nuclear fuel and H1B visas, to account for Obama’s retro frame of mind, official sycophants have forwarded much ingenuity. Final word from Prime Minister’s office says that all officials are to bring their mother (Maa!!) to work on all days of Obama’s stay to add weight to the special nuclear consideration pleas. H1B visas will be demanded promising Indians will only work in low grade Hollywood productions as stereotypical Asians, Arabs, Mexicans, Aliens and swear to not have any worthwhile consequence on the script. Present mothers will add weight even to this demand.
PM Manmohan Singh wants to leave no stone unturned in ensuring Obamas’ co-operation. Hema Malini has been appointed to give Michelle Obama lessons in retro fashion and explain how certain eye decoration can be pulled off only in India thus softening her up to the virtues of outsourcing, and in turn the President.
There has been no official word yet on why the President went retro. Most branches of grapevine, however, site the bad performance in mid-term elections and an all-time popularity low as reasons for overdoing efforts to ingratiate him to Indian public. I think they are all wrong. They are either too white to appreciate the aesthetic of retro or too black to allow the tackiness anywhere but their backyard. President Obama, as we know, is none; as that’s what he wants us to believe.
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Reply #12 on : Fri November 05, 2010, 23:17:28