Tired of being force-fed voyeurism in the form of gossip, gossip columns, reality shows, hidden cams, hidden webcams, visible cams, visible webcams, I decided to scale the smallest hill in my immediate vicinity after naming it ‘mountain’ to get away from the un-modulated Tom-peekery. I was looking for some solace away from the urge to peek into the lives of others simply because it was on display. I was staring at the female from ten storey’s above me. Her balcony was at my eye-level now. It was all on display and I had the urge to peek.
I looked into her room until my eyes started watering for having not blinked. I initiated looking away just enough to reach my handkerchief when a stationary car on an abandoned street with windows rolled up caught my moist eye followed by some rustling in the bushes not far followed by a milkman, who was mixing something in his container that ideally holds a product of natural origin in no need of optimization, followed by a random dude taking an arbitrary walk. I was craving my handkerchief at this point. My eyes hurt and I just couldn’t blink for fear of losing out on something. I finally settled for peeking into an extremely low-flying aircraft which could also have been a UFO or a rocket-equipped hybrid of an elephant and a house rat. My watered vision was very blurry at this point and the kerchief was still very far - in my right hand.
It seemed that all the interesting activity is being played out at my horizon and my strong sense of acquired moral depravity warned me against the waste of this perfectly good chance at peeking as Tom would. Only when I realized that this is exactly what I was trying to escape from, that I turned away from all the action into absolute boredom. You’ll be surprised how little there is to do atop small hills called ‘mountain’.
I was looking for an activity that would keep me occupied enough to not turn back to my old life of half an hour ago. I felt so much more worthy sitting there doing nothing, compared to sitting home doing nothing (but consuming media). To entertain myself, I built a castle of mud but I also built a wave of puddle. I dug a hole but there magically appeared a pile of dirt, of exactly the volume to fill up the hole. I excavated an ancient civilization in the process, but buried my futuristic music player somewhere. Thus all my activities cancelled each other out and I ended with having done nothing at all.
I was left with no choice but do what I was taught never do in public. I was about to do what everyone knows is meant to be done in private, alone. I exposed my concerned body parts to the elements for they were to be employed in my act of public impudence.
I had decided it’s time to use my only superpower that the government hasn’t banned from use and has the smallest tax levied on. I etched some imaginary characters in air then made some imaginary sounds to summon the imaginary Gods who’ve granted me my very real powers. I realized I wasn’t satisfied with the choreography of the ceremony. After making a mental note to work on variations to this conjuring act, for public display in case of Armageddon, I started using my ears – the body parts that I exposed in previous paragraph, to listen in on the radio waves overhead. Yes, that’s my superpower. I can receive waves of all kinds – directed at me or otherwise.
The first conversation I heard was between two women. One of them sounded like she had all information the other one was looking for. There was talk of some Prime Minister, some ministries, some power talk, but there was no girlie gossip!! Now that I think back, it actually was girlie gossip, but the kind that covers more than the kitty party and passes judgment on much more than just office romances. I was getting bored and decided to give them a few more hours. Then I gave them some more hours and then a handful more; just a few more then and then a little more. Finally just minutes, that stretched into an hour and then realized that my watch had stopped working. I took some time to realize that though they had good voices there was nothing interesting for a lonely man sitting atop a mound of earth. I conjectured that the information is either too inconsequential or too important for me to even comprehend and I’ve been convinced that there is nothing more important than me, the consumer, by the media, so the information had to be incidental. I then moved to eavesdrop on another conversation totally exasperated and eager to hear what I catch next.
Now there was a man and woman talking. My hopes were high. I listened intently. I continued listening intently until I stopped in chauvinistic male disgust. This was a man who wanted to know lots of stuff from her. Everything he said began with ‘Who’, ‘when’, ‘why’, ‘where’ or ‘how’. I was appalled at how little he knows. I have on regular intervals known more than him. There was 2G spectrum allocation mentioned and I gave a chuckle realizing I am using the same spectrum without allocation. Then I suddenly realized that the woman is the same one from earlier conversation. I froze thinking she is using powers of her own to get constantly tapped by me for some weird reason. She mentioned some Anil Ambani like a friend she’s helping start up a small business. So she could use his money to buy government permission for using her powers, but I continued listening. If she wants me to follow her, I will. I am a chivalrous guy on such accounts and I also feared the other powers she could have bought permission for; didn’t want to risk provoking her. She certainly was conspiratorial. I didn’t know against whom, but I like a woman with secrets as long as I know the secrets.
The thought that this is a government trap to catch me red handed, illegally tapping calls, did cross my mind but I brushed it aside noticing my wheat coloured Asian hands, which are far from being criminal red on all days other than Holi. At most, they can catch me illegally tapping calls, which is alright as I always carry my fake telephone exchange ID. I moved onto the next call hoping to cross one where this female isn’t conspiring, lobbying and whatever else biased phone calls do.
But guess what!!
There she was again. This time it was a person of South-Indian accent she was haggling with. I wondered what kind of product this female sells and why the hell does she not call me. I could use some role-playing. I have a phone and there’s no one around.
I liked the South-Indian. He didn’t like the female. He was in obvious trading relations with her due to some mandate. He was a good guy, that poor man. If he was here, I’d buy him a saada dosa with extra chutney.
My sabbatical from televised voyeurism had been a success. I felt refreshed taking initiative to sneak into conversations myself. I felt good, tired and was looking for a shady tree to relax under after this shady business of the pushy saleswoman. I heard police sirens.
I thought I had forgotten to switch off my reception and was hearing someone’s caller tune. That’s when I saw chickens going airborne, stalls being run down, pedestrians diving in slow motion to avoid some incoming vehicle; stuff that happens when police force is in a hurry and certain of its destination. I decided to run, following the ethic of someone who indulged in breaking law, but they caught up with me soon. I was on foot, they were on wheels. I have two feet. They had four wheels.
I was surprised to see a smiling pandu as he un-boarded from the jeep. He congratulated me with a handshake and then warned me with severe Police action over ever revealing to anyone what he revealed to me next.
Radia tapes were the big news next day. The government had hacked into my hacking. I finally figured out who that female was. She wasn’t a saleswoman. She was the one buying. The South Indian man was selling the 2G spectrum and the other two were journalists selling their allegiance.
I wasn’t paid for my service. I am back to voyeurism from the safety of my parent’s couch.
Real heroes never crave recognition (picture Superman atop a tower, looking into the distance with fists to his sides)
Posts: 13
Reply #13 on : Thu December 30, 2010, 04:37:20